Advice for esophageal cancer survivors

Well, time sure flies when YOU HAVE NO PAIN!!!! It's  just plain awesome, thank you very much... From here on out I plan to check in on this site maybe once a year or if something like re-occurrence (Lord perish that thought) happens or whatever.

I am , for the most part, am out raising my boys, doing volunteer work and getting into the swing of going back to school. Gotta finish that degree!  I get tired sometimes long before the end of the day, but sometimes I wonder if that is just the raising my 4  boys part - as well as going non stop nearly every day. More on that in a minute.

As I am pretty much through all the nasty hard and hurt-y parts, I thought I might share just a few things to look out for after you have healed from your surgery.

* chronic low blood cell count leading to severe anemia

This is way easy to fix. Get a prenatal vitamin high in iron an protein.  I use Buried Treasure Liquid Prenatal Plus. It works wonderfully and the only reason I had such difficulty with this issue is because after we moved, I didn't  get properly diagnosed for over a year. Yes, I had low blood pressure,  but the underlying cause was not enough red blood cells and THAT was causing me to black out. It went so long without treatment, my issue became hypoxic anemia. All could have been avoided by simply taking these vitamins from the beginning.

* stomach pains and severe gas.

Another easy fix. For me it was, eat no sugar and very TINY amounts of fat. Then I try to make that olive oil or olives or whatever does not have massive amounts of saturated fat. Foods that are way high in fiber are also a big no no for me. I control that by using Probiotics or that Activia stuff I love to sing the jingle for. Also small amounts of fiber, like what is found in fruit (not prunes or raisins) like apples or pears and bananas also are perfect. NO coffee and only herbal tea ( I found this out from a few other survivors ) , and (sob) no chocolate.

* scar tissue

This is what caused my stomophagus to block larger food items like steak or bread. Not a big deal. I just would schedule a dilation when I noticed my throat getting a bit tight. The last couple dilations I had injected me with steroids to inhibit new growth and they seem to last a good year or two.

*keeping the weight on

Weird problem I know, but you HAVE to keep your weight within a reasonable range or things get a bit dicey. To the tune of malnutrition.  Without sugars or most fats, its harder than it sounds. Besides, I for one DO NOT like having little or no boobs. I know the men will not care about this issue, but when you get to o skinny, your body will start taking from muscle, and we all know you all want to be stud muffins. 

*make sure you take down time to rest regularly

This one is the hardest for me to do. When I ignore this one, my immune system becomes compromised and I get sick at the drop of a hat. My kids get a sniffle, I get full blown pneumonia. They get a 24 hour bug, I am sick for a week. The good news is, I recover, because I am forced to take down that down time I so desperately should have taken in the first place. I'm kinda thick like that...

*LIVE your life to the fullest 

You faced death, stared it in the face. Life, every extra day, has become a gift. Show some appreciation and ENJOY! Make up your mind to be HAPPY, Go river rafting or tubing, join a charity group, volunteer at your local school. Find what interests you and DO it.

Sometimes depression can set in with survivors AND those currently fighting this monster. Fight the Depression Monster just as hard as you fought the Cancer Monster. If it makes you happy, put up a Christmas tree in May, buy 20 new pair of shoes, get that workbench and Power Tools (arr arrr arr)  you always wanted. Color your hair and get a new style, whatever works. Make sure you look into medication and don't be too proud to take it if you are already on it.

I guess that is about it, hopefully I will not sign in here for another year or so. Signing  out WITH NO PAIN!!!!! ,

Stacey

Me and my two amazing, gorgeous, brilliant , did I say amazing?, bonus daughters.

me and my boys with my bonus son, on the left (I adore that child), my bonus nephew and oh, the love of my life :)

So much has happened!

#1 I am happy to report that I am dying no faster than any of the rest of you. A friend told me I should have about 40 more years left or so. I'll take it! 

Turns out biopsy was negative!

 *happy dance , happy dance, happy dance!* 

 Precancerous cysts and fibroids are something I can deal with. I am having surgery to remove pretty much everything  reproductive wise at the beginning of June. Since I already have a passel of amazing kiddos,  I'm TOTALLY OK with that. No more PMS,  no more sending hubby out to buy feminine products (and yes, yes he does love me - that proves it!), no more Midol and no more crazy mood swings!!! We are going to shoot for keeping one of the ovaries, so hopefully I won't have all the hormonal issues that could accompany this procedure.

(happy little sigh)...

#2 My oncologist wants to keep a closer eye on me (picturing the All Seeing Eye and it's starting to creep me out...), SO what that means is I have a bunch of pokes and prods coming up. Since it is almost June (the anniversary of my surgery) he thought we could get an early start...

So to recap, I have upcoming: PET scan, mammogram, endoscopy, colonoscopy, and of course the hysterectomy and all accompanying tests, blood work  and check ups. (big sigh)  But its all good, I'm here to watch my kids wrestle each other, dress the dog up as the Hulk  (pretty funny BTW... Good thing we have an UBER patient dog...), and take my oldest to his orchestra rehearsals ( he plays the viola). I get to giggle as I listen to my younger one went retreating into my closet to sing sad and rambling made up songs about how mom doesn't listen to him and he is SO a big kid and SHOULD be able to play with the older kids, and he IS a big boy, but no one understands, and  - ooo hey look a nickel! ...  I get too smile and play the tooth fairy, kiss  my babies in their sleep, revel in the visits from my bonus kids, take pride in their accomplishments, and sit on my hubby's lap. I'm really OK with that.

#3 I have been doing much better blood pressure wise, but it is still a bit too low.  I try my best to keep it in the 90/60s range and am ecstatic when I can break 100/70. That doesn't happen too often though.  My weight has been giving me fits and starts. I was surprisingly not a happy camper when I bought my first size 3 jeans. (WHO HAS THIS PROBLEM???!!) I range from 109 to 115 but I am trying my darnest to get to a good healthy 125. I would prefer 130, as I would prefer LOTSA room between me and Dolores,  but beggars can't be choosers as they say.

#4 I'm having issues with gas of all things! It makes my tummy distend to look like I am about four months preggers and only a few well timed bits of ... a-hem... flatulence usually handles it. Well, you SAID you wanted to know how I was! (revisiting the cartoon previously posted... ). But that's about it, I don't have issues with dumping and that in and of itself is phenomenal, so I can't complain. Still have trouble with fats and sugars, and make sure my diet steers clear of those, but that is a healthier way to live anyway.

I think that's it for now, I'll keep you updated as testing comes in and as plans progress for surgery and such.  Until then, wish me happy farting...um I mean, good luck... (*sheepish  grin)

Ok then, well my day sucked. How was yours?

I better back up a little. First, the good news. We finally figured out what was causing me to fall flat so often that my driving privileges were suspended! Low blood pressure due mostly to dehydration of all the silly things! I have myself on a schedule of drinking at least 4 oz every 30 minutes. Then I still have room to squeeze in snacks and food every 2 hours. It is much more difficult than it sounds, but it seems to be working... Also we figured out most of the reasons I was having so much severe pain! Too much tummy acid and no nerves to tell me I had heartburn. I am on a mega dose of  Prilosec now, and with the added routine of food and water intervals, I got my driving privileges back, I no longer hurt to the point of really big swear word type owies and I no longer am having an affair with various floor coverings. Quite frankly I have no desire to visit that particular mistress again any time within this, or the next lifetime.

Now the suck-y part. After a weekend in the 80 degree range, and swimming with my boys this Saturday until we all resembled prune-y old people, New Mexico HAD to work it up to it snowing! Snowing here, people! It hasn't stopped yet. I still had to get to the doctor to follow up on a small amount of pain I was having, nowhere NEAR where I was feeling mind you, but still there none the less. Well, I just finished a battery of tests and I was SO not expecting a biopsy today.  I am now in that horrid and terrible waiting game NO one should ever have to experience.(wondering to self if the Jeopardy theme could be played in a very ominous, discordant key, perhaps in the "A minor" range......)

  
I will be finding out soon if I have uterine (endometrine) cancer, ovarian cancer or both.

 Well, you know me, the first thing I did was deny it could be cancer, then I cried, then I felt extremely discouraged because there was no way I could keep beating the odds - and then Cary was there, telling me in no uncertain terms that I WOULD beat this AND the odds. He never wavered. Then we sat down together and did a slew of research. I feel much better now.

See, those steps everyone goes on about are very real. I am also very thankful for my hubby. He pulled be up yet again while I was kicking and belly aching. I really do feel much better. TONS more optimistic and hopeful.
 
Even if it is the worst case scenario, and the tests come back positive, I could not have had it for more that a year and a half (too many complete  MRI and CT scans, remember?) and the 5 year survival rate is right around 95% for both stage 1 and 2. Much better than the 1 year, 15% chance I had last time! ...

Finally! A new post! Not that any of my posts are all that gripping. I just haven't called my "far away family" in a dogs age and am feeling pretty darn guilty. I assuage that guilt by writing this. See what I did there? Guilt done away with AND caught everyone up to date. I would pat myself on the back but it is still too prickly from the post-guilt-recovery thing I got goin' on...

OK so a quick run down. My tummy hurts for about 2 hours after I eat, no matter WHAT I eat, - oh and have I mentioned I need to eat every two hours in the Valient yet vain effort to maintain my weight.  Yeeaaahh... not so successful on that.  Still Twilight Zoning here people...

*looking back, reminiscing on the post baby trying-my-darnest-to-get-the-ol'-hips-back-into-a-decent-pair-o'-jeans... deep nostalgic sigh*

All my favorite clothes have once again met with the Good-will pile, leaving me to ponder yet again the very real  possibility getting all sorts of wild wide eyed looks as I meander into the next parent teacher conference in my skivvies.

OK I was gonna go with my Big Girl Panties, but as the author of Wild Wacky Wonderful Woman said, "I am wearing 'em but they are starting to bunch, OK!".

I am going through a battery of tests to ferret out the cause of all this mayhem, and quite frankly no matter what it is , I can tackle it. ( FAST! SOMEBODY KNOCK ON WOOD! THROW SALT OVER YOUR SHOULDER, GET A BLACK CAT TO WALK IN REVERSE ! ANNNYYYTHING!!!)

I should rephrase that before the Universe decided to whack me a good one - yet again. I can tackle it ~ if it is the ulcers or speed of digestion thing the doctor suspects.  Just because of who I am and my history, cancerous re-occurrence is always a slight chance.

For now I am doing my best to eat and not fall flat, AND I have been banned from driving all by my lonesome until we can figure this out. Which is the biggest "suck-age" factor in all this. Not too bad considering what the original, back in January of 2010, suck-age was!

Well, here we are in the wilds of New Mexico. And you know what? I really like it! The kids all love their new schools, the hubby is loving his new job and I like how slow paced life is here.

I just didn't expect to be so cold. Who knew that Albuquerque in being called "HIGH" desert meant it would be  I would have to read all those fine print messages referring to "higher elevations" on cake mix boxes. Its all good though. I bought a coat for the first time in 6 years, make my kids wear 2 shirts to school, have stocked up on hats, gloves and scarves, and make the boys wear coats to school EVERY day. My kids are very annoyed. They'll live.

I'm just glad to have the family all in one state. Even for six weeks,the husband working in New Mexico and the rest of us in California sucked eggs royally. I know I am a wuss. I fully admit it. Military wives, single moms and even moms whose husbands just aren't there for them are all kinds of super-women to me.   I stand in awe of these amazing ladies. And the single dads who really support their kids, and not just with a check each month, and the care givers to the really ill, and the caregivers to kids whose parents are really ill. I am convinced it is easier to be the sicko in the relationship than the caregiver. They are heroes to me.

And I would know.

With hubby around, I have finally stopped loosing weight because he is constantly feeding me. I have only passed out once since I've been here. In one of those huge warehouse style grocery stores. At the front entrance. On a Saturday. In front of about a thousand people. And a squad of Albuquerque fire fighters. And a very sweet old lady whose pronounced extremely loudly that if I haven't had my period, I must start thinking about the fact that I could be pregnant. I wasn't embarrassed. Not. At. All.

Since then I can't sneeze without my guy handing me a piece of fruit or a plate of spaghetti. He worries. If I get any smaller than the smallish size six I am at now, we might have to revisit the issue in all seriousness, but for now its all good. I know hubby isn't into skinny chicks. :)

OKaaay ...
I got one more question for that Universe thing.

Why oh why could I never loose weight when I was trying so hard post babies, and now, when my health is depending on me NOT loosing weight, I am shedding "fluff" faster than a Persian kitty at the groomers?!
Apparently all this packing and hefting and dragging stuff causes me to use more calories than I can take in. Again with the Twilight Zone crap! Who in the world has this problem?! I mean I am trying my danged-est (and yes I hear by christen that a word to keep me from launching into major swear-age) to get as many calories as I can, but it is harder than it looks believe me!
Just you try to get enough calories in you when you have a tummy that can hold 6 oz at a time (up from 2 thank you very much), but nothing you eat can be high in refined sugars, fats, or be too terribly hard to digest. No red meat, no broccoli, cabbage, beans or other gassy foods, no overly stringy foods like celery, no ice creams, or gummy products, no soda or carbonated beverages, and no chocolate. (sob) Don't some cultures survive on chocolate alone? Well if they don't - they should.
See normally I really wouldn't care about getting " too skinny" other than my Hubby worries, but the thing is, my head decides to go all swimmy and smack itself into the floor at all odd times and places and i do a rely good imitation of those cute little goats Carrie flashed on Mythbusters.

I tried those little glucose drinks diabetics use to try to head these things off, but I doubled over almost immediately with really bad tummy owies (as Ben would say) - and I STILL fell flat.
I guess the good thing is that the kids aren't scared of it anymore. The first few times were bad for them, but now they very casually yell from the foot of the stairs, "Daaad, Moms on the floor again".
Ah but in retrospect, I'm here to belly ache, so it can't be all bad.

School is starting!!! I have spent my week (trying to) gather moving estimates, getting kids backpacks and school supplies ready, and doing the annual "pass down". That is where we go through all kids clothes and determine if that favorite T shirt is ok to pass down (hence the name) to the younger brother or if it is just plain dead on arrival. This year there seems to be lots of DOA clothes. Or maybe I am just too lazy/tired/overwhelmed to try to refurbish them enough to make it one more year. Eh, right now I am OK with that.

Lunches are another big thing to prepare, so for those of you who have too many kids to buy lunches for without going to that really nice place where loan sharks live, this is for you. But I do warn you it is heading into the kinda weird, OCD territory that many moms/dads of Jedi kids become so immersed in.

Some busy moms/dads just choose to have their kids buy hot lunch. And that is OK if you can afford it. If you can't, look into free or reduced cost lunches. If you you don't qualify for that, read on and I will try not to bore you out of your skull...

As a mom who has her good days and her bad days (that's universal by the way, not just confined to moms fighting the "c" word.) I have found out a few things that have really helped me. First and foremost, conserve every bit of energy you can. I am not saying be a lump, that leads to depression and really flabby butts. But when you do have energy, make it count in all the right ways for when you don't. And do it in ways that won't break your bank account.

OK so you have decided to make your kids lunches. Great. You run into pitfalls almost immediately.

Those little individual sized servings of chips and puddings and crap are also about three times the cost of big family size bags and quite frankly if you add it all up, if you go that route, you are spending ALMOST as much as you would just sending the kid with hot lunches!

So get the big ol' Costco sized bags.  I am not advocating sending a big family size bag of chips with your kid as lunch. Although they might find it really cool.

What I do is  get a whole passel of sandwich bags and divvy that sucker up when the kids are at school, or in bed or when I have a few minutes on a slow Sunday afternoon. It is something I can do while I am sitting. I then put all these little bags into a zip loc or grocery bag or whatever. I do that with goldfish crackers, cookies, fruit roll ups - what ever. Then I put all the big bags into a big bin and stick it into the top of the pantry. Come time to make the lunch, I grab 4 of everything (remember 4 boys) and throw together 4 sandwiches, toss in a piece o' fruit and a bottle o' water and voila, 4 lunches in 5 minutes or less. Whatever comes back home goes into a separate basket, and that is the kids "snack basket"  they can peice out of whenever they get the munchies.

When I want to take even more shortcuts I skip the sandwiches, and put 4 or 5 chicken nuggets per bunch, wrapped in aluminum foil and all stuck in a bag in the freezer. Pizza rolls, corn dogs, pumpkin muffins, whatever makes it so I don't have to go the sandwich route. On the morning of, I  shove the aluminum foil packets in the oven or toaster oven while I am getting them breakfast or making sure they don't have seaweed growing in their teeth. Then when the timer dings stating to the world said nuggets are done, I start making lunches. My record is 4 lunches in 2 minutes. Not too shabby.

With packing, getting IEPs ready for the out of state transfer, as well as all the nice doctor letters proving to the school system that my kids need services, plus all the normal stuff of running a household ,  AND the fact that my energy is somewhat limited, I am gonna take short cuts where I can.

Hey, I know what you are thinking. Either, "wow, what a weirdo" - or   " OCD isn't so bad, maybe I'll try it.". If you have more than 3 kids, special needs or not, I'd definitely recommend the latter.

I am a sick sick person . Let's Just get that out of the way early ok? Ok.

Well with all the moving and meeting new people it becomes inevitable they become curious about the large scar running vertically down my neck. I have stopped trying to cover it. Most people who know me totally forget it is there and act a bit confused at first as to why the odd stranger would be trying really hard not to stare so obviously at the general vicinity of my chin. I will let those of you who may not know me as well in on a secret. I have not forgotten it is there and I don't mind a bit if you ask. I might be different from others with a big honkin scar someplace glaringly obvious, but really I don't care. It gives me a a chance to mess with you. Ok let's try this out. Ready?

You: oh my gosh what happened!
Me: (one of the following at random)

1. Wicked bad bar fight. You should see the other guy! ( gotta credit my neighbor coming up with this one)
2. Rodeo clown accident. Had to change careers after that one.
3. Terrible harpsichord incident. (holding up hand, closing eyes and turning face away) toopainful. can't. talk. about it.
4. Lantern shark attack. I was the only survivor.
5. I ran into a door.
6. I got ran over by a rickshaw in L.A. Dang crazy California drivers
7. yo! 65 points street cred ma brotha!
8.(very emphatically)NEVER get between a moose and her calf.
9. Quilting accident. Those needles are MUCH sharper than they look.
10. I fell on a really pokey cactus

Eh I think those'll do for now. If you think of more let me know , I'll add 'em to the collection.

In the meantime, I will continue to giggle evilly at Others expense.

Hey we have already established that I am a sick sick person! Don't act so shocked ! Gheesh.

In the grand scheme of things life is great. In the short term, I have debated bout changing our names to distinctively Romainian sounding ones and purchasing a wagon with lots of tassels. That IS what gypsies do right?

Well long story short, Carys work was being a butthead about the time he took off to take care of me last year. "But legally they can't do that under the Family Medical Leave Act." you say. Ah yes but they weren't being too very "legal" when they made some very dumb decisions. Hubby opted to go to a different company. One located in the far off wilds of New Mexico.

We are still undecided about whether to pursue legal options. We hate the sue happy culture that has been so fostered in this country but we also worry that if it happened to us, could it happen to someone else not in such a good position? Cary is extremely good at what he does (long story short - he fixes robots - as my 6 year old would say) and can find work because of his vast and unique skills. What if this had happened to a less skilled worker?

But on the other side of things, we have a very different view of just how precious life is now and wasted moments are almost a sin to us. Priorities are such that family, kids and home are what matter. Not court cases.

Oh yeah and as of last PET scan, I am still N.E.D. (No Evidence of Disease)

click on the kitty for the all important happy dance

See, I am  NOT dead. Just in the midst of a move. 

Which is very similar to death. 


 Can you tell I hate moving? I had a ton of help though so the packing and the actual hauling of the household crap wasn't too bad. I did get kinda worn out the actual move day and had to hang out in a friends car while the last of the heavy stuff got hauled away. But hey, I figured it would be better to be thought of as lazy than to fall down and embarrass myself again.

I LOVE LOVE LOVE the apartment we moved into. It is actually more like a condo cause of the attached garage as well as the upstairs and downstairs thing going on, but more importantly, I can actually handle keeping this clean, we don't have to worry about maintenance or yard work, we have a POOL, and Oh Thank The LORD Above, we don't have to worry about landlords going bankrupt or the big bad banks coming to tell us the house is in foreclosure even though we have been paying our rent religiously, and we gotta get our booties out. ( *happy little sigh)

And the icing on the cake is that the neighbors are WONDERFUL!  All of them seem to be, but imagine this--- we live 3 doors down from a mom with 2 Jedi kids (Translation: autistic, for those of you unfamiliar with my side bar favs) So hopefully we won't have the nice policey mans call on us when a child goes giggling into the night clad only in underwear and a batman cape... And yes that has happened. (In all fairness to us as parents, that was before we discovered those little alarm thingys you can tape on your doors to screech at little wanna be escape artists and thereby preventing the neighborhood from thinking that you are the worlds worst guardians - bar none).

So here I am struggling to get everything organized and unpacked - but not doing too bad actually. Yes I get worn out,and yes I am slower than molasses in January and yes, I sure do wish for that super speed bit, but slowly and steadily we are getting thing together. And if I have to move again in the next ten years I swear I might just... welllll lets not temp fate shall we?

Well first off let me start by saying I am doing great. Sure I have unforeseen health issues mainly involving those pesky calories and passing out and such but I don't hurt (except when I do something stupid) and I feel really grateful to be here to complain about the small stuff, hug my kids, and enjoy life.

OK, now the news.

Daniel won first place in the science fair! He did his project on the effects of electromagnetic waves on plant life, specifically Venus Flytraps. He used a function generator to force the plants into being receptors!
I am always proud of that boy, but I think I kinda embarrassed myself(OK and him too) whooping it up for him during the award ceremony.

Nathan is still working getting parts for his robot, and the amazing thing is be hasn't gotten distracted! Saving 300 bucks is a tough thing to do for a nine year old. Also the poor kid broke his arm - again. We now have a new rule at our house.

Because it HURTS to set broken arms!!!

And Believe You Me, getting an arm set with a neuro-typical kid is hard enough,My poor baby was more worried about the beeping monitors than anything else. The staff was amazing though and they soon discovered a TV with Sponge Bob on it was the perfect anesthesia for him.

Jonah and Ben are doing wonderfully. They find stuff to do and explore no matter what is going on! Their favorite thing is playing in the sprinklers. They have discovered that the old irrigation syringes from Dolores' days are killer squirt guns!

The last day of school came and went and the kids have totally enjoyed having sleep overs, brownies and pop corn pretty much every single night!

I just passed my year mark anniversary of being cancer free! I celebrated by getting a PET scan done and attending a cancer survivors luncheon Cedars sponsored.

Oh and one of the coolest things I have discovered is that I don't have to sleep in an upright position as much! That is a direct result of Dr Soukiasian injecting Botox into my stomach sphincter instead of cutting it like most surgeons do. I will most likely have no more lasting side effects from that and no dumping!!!! ( for those of you just joining us, that means I will not be tossing my cookies or passing my food too quickly every time I eat and the part about being able to sleep laying down means that I will not have the stuff I ate come back to haunt me no matter what the stage of digestion!)

All good stuff.

I will let you all know when I get the the PET scan results back, but I am feeling so good I can't help but venture to guess that all will be well.

Huh, who would guessed? I found out I am not lactose intolerant. I am actually anything-that-is-hard-to-digest intolerant. I popped a jelly bean in my mouth right after Easter and apparently those things are made from plaster, small rocks and glue because I was in pain for 2 days. Things really high in fats, heavy meats, high sugar items and anything with the word gummy in it are no-nos for me now. Believe it or not one thing I found that really helps me is that Activia yogurt stuff. You know, the stuff that you can't help but sing their little jingle every time you says its name. Try it, it's kinda fun.  "Ac ti vee aaahhhh"   OK so maybe its just me. Just stop snickering OK?

I had a lovely mothers day weekend complete with the requisite homemade tissue flowers and other such wonderful treasures mommies love.  Cary gave me moola to go clothes shopping (I am pretty much swimming in my clothes now) and took me to see the new movie Thor with the boys on Saturday.

I even splurged and ate a piece of chocolate even after hubby reminded me I would be hurting later if I did. I am such a rebel. And yes, my tummy did later object strenuously to that bit of Mothers Day defiance. Oh but  it was worth it. 

I am just so happy to be here to enjoy that decadent no-no, drool over pretty fine eye candy at the movies while holding my hubby's hand, and snuggle with my boys. I wouldn't want to make this journey through the wilds of cancer again mind you, but these moments make everything I fought so hard for so worth it.

I have to be honest here people, as I am getting better and better, I am not writing as much on here. Truth be told ~ it is wonderfully mundane around my house right now and I am relishing each moment. Just everyday normal stuff like say... taking kids to school, volunteering at the book fair, helping kids with homework and therapies, making dinner, doing mountains of laundry, never quite getting caught up with the dishes or folding clothes. That kind of thing.

If I could have known than even 18 months ago I would catch myself in the middle of doing said chores and suddenly feel like I just had to stop and thank God in a silent but fervent prayer for being able to do them, I would have been stunned to silence. And believe me, that is hard to do. The stunned silence thing not the laundry. The laundry is pretty easy ever since all the boys have passed that stage of putting bugs and worms into their pockets and I didn't find them until their dead carcasses floated up to the top of the washer.

Oh I still have those  eye-twitching-plastered-on-grin-through-the-teeth-cause-if-I-don't-I-am-afraid-I-might-beat-my-children nights where I swear they are testing the hypothesis that even the most loving mommies can go loony if said experimenting kids whine enough. But afterwords, when all the threats of bodily harm have subsided and they have fallen into that angelic sleep moms love to just look at and get all weepy, I remember to say those prayers, thanking Him for the blessings of raising these wonderful little hellions spirits and I remember how very much my soul loves my beautiful children.

And then there are those mornings I wake up and just lay in my bed enjoying the fact that I don't hurt and I thank Him again. I will repeat that in case you missed that... I DON'T HURT. HOW COOL IS THAT????

I have even stopped the free for all weight loss! I will probably loose a few more pounds but on purpose this time.

SO all in all, life is good. Nathan is excited about a real robot his teacher let him bring home, he is saving his money and buying the pieces bit by bit to make one himself (he already has 4 servos on order and that about used up every penny the kid had saved). Daniel is formulating his science project, getting ready to subject Venus Fly Traps to different radio frequencies.  Jonah's neck lump is still there, but it looks like we don't have to do surgery, thank the Lord.  And Ben made a "firebug" for a school project which promptly melted all over the bag he brought it to school in. He told me since it lived in a volcano and ate lava, melting was really OK, it was its camouflage. Cary made dinner tonight  (which is why I am here writing this instead fighting with my pots and pans).

I love the wonderfully mundane. And as I said, I thank God for it.

OK, I haven't written for an age, so I figured I would give you a multiple choice as to why. You get to choose. ( oooo that is so interactive, I feel so i-phone app-ish...)
a. I'm dead.
b. I have forgotten my password to this blog
c. I have been busy learning belly dancing moves to start my new career
d. life has been crazy hectic and I just haven't taken the time to do this

Did you choose? Cause I am really voting for c.
Really. Can I please vote for c?

* sigh*, oh all right you party poopers.

We all know which one you automatically assumed it was.  Either a. or d. and unless a zombie or an impersonator is sitting here typing this you logically have to go with d. Unless you are a fan of the x-files...

then you would go with c.

OK, as far as what has been going on. The kids and I went to the beach to see Grandma, I got so I couldn't swallow anything but liquids, Nathan is learning his times tables, I kept passing out because I couldn't get enough stupid calories in me, Daniel got grounded from his computer until he pulls his grades up, I had my balloon party/dilation with Dr Lo and got caught up on all the latest from his staff - WOO HOO and I can now swallow again and am bouncing back beautifully (after some unknown caused puking fit), Ben went on his field trip and ... Oh yeah, and Jonah scared the living  beejeebers out of us.

He woke up one morning with a goose egg on the side of his neck the size of a freaking apple. He wasn't sick, didn't have a fever, and other than just a little tenderness and a lump that looked like a weird case of one sided mumps, he was hunky dory. In taking him to the doctor, I expected antibiotics and a shoo out the door.After all, a swollen lymph node isn't THAT serious... right?

Now let me tell you all, the one thing you NEVER want to hear your kids doctor say is even the remotest possibility of the "c" word and your childs name together in the same sentence.

The world stops. you hear but you don't hear her explain that it could just be a bacterial infection from a recent teeth cleaning or that it might be Mono, or whatever.

You just hear that ever so slight chance of something so ugly, so insidious that all you want to do is yell and cry and scream and panic because of what you went through with all the chemo and radiation and pain and needles. And your heart nearly implodes with the terror of the idea that your childs name might be said in the same sentence as all those afore named horrors. Your hands clench and unclench and you realize that your mouth has bitten into your tounge and you can taste the blood.

But you keep it together because of your child. You go though all the tests with him, even having your own blood drawn at the same time he does so it won't be so scary for him. You hold his hand and you try to comfort him as he gets his 4th needle poke of the day.  All you want to do is break down, but you know you can't.

In the meantime, you have called the husband and he immediately gets to work getting on the internet finding all the best hospitals and doctors and treatments an tells you that we will get through this like we do every thing else, and maybe it is just one of the lesser diagnoses, but if it isn't we will handle this. He is a rock. But you know it is his protection mechanism. You know secretly he is terrified. But he is strong for you, like you are strong for your child. You wonder if he is tasting blood right now too.

You finally realize as your child is in the CAT scan, that you haven't eaten all day and you were only able to get 800 calories in the day before. You realize that because everything is starting to go black and all swimmy. You cling onto the scanner PRAYING to make it to the end of the scan so your child wont panic and move and have to redo the test. You make it. Barely. Then you get to lay on the cold floor while your baby asks why mommy is on the ground. Stupid of you not to have eaten. You determine grimly, that if, GOD and heaven forbid, that we have to do this again, you will pack an Ensure or Boost in your purse.

You don't sleep that night. At all. You are back in that doctors office at 7:30 a.m.. You get there even before the results make it back, so you sit there with your wonderfully oblivious child. He is only concerned if he will get more shots. Your heart is  bit more anxious. It seems like hours. Maybe it is.

This is where my story might differ from other mothers. Mine has a happy ending. The doctor came in smiling. An infected lymph node. The release was almost exhausting. And gratefully anticlimactic.


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I am watching Jonah sleep. He is sleeping in my bed tonight. I don't care I just want him near me. I realize I need sleep too.  I will sleep tonight. After I silently sob my relief as I watch his slumbering face.

I am so grateful for anticlimaxes.

One good thing about fighting cancer, I finally lost all the baby weight... I am 2 pounds away from what I weighed when I married my sweetheart 12 lifetimes and yesterday ago!  But I am no spring chicken anymore, and loosing all that weight, especially so fast has caused a bit more "saggage" than I would like. Remember that as I tell you what my children and I discussed over the weekend.

As some of you may know, 3 of my 4 kids have had speech issues and we have been doing speech therapy with them from since they were tiny. Well during one of these sessions with me, I was trying to get them to talk about "If you could have any super power in the world, what would it be?" I started it by saying I would like super speed so I could get all my chores done so I could go play. Oh they loved that one and I grinned huge as they all went nuts exploring their wildest imaginations. Super strength, invisibility (so they could raid the cookies before dinner without getting caught), shape shifting, you name it, they discussed it. It was wonderful.

Then they almost simultaneously were excited to tell me that super speed would not be a good super power for me. Flying would be much better. I was confused and asked them why. "Because Mom," they said as they lifted up my saggy arms, "You already have the wings!".  *deep sigh* Well, I kinda did see their point.

The raging debate now was all about what my superhero name would be. They couldn't call me "Bird-Mom".  Apparently I didn't have enough feathers to qualify. They came up with my superhero mantra together and introduced it to me by singing,  "Na Na Na Na Na Na NA NA ...BAT- MOM!"

 *crickets chirping* Wow kids. Thaaanks.

 Back to today:

Today Bat-Mom's gotta go do dishes and laundry and too many chores to count ... I am SO feeling gypped at that no super speed thing ...

Meeeee........

some OTHER lucky mom that is NOT me.

Well, I have been doing really well as of late, trying to get my house back under control (Its amazing what can happen if you are out of it for a year!) and just generally enjoying life. I have even debated about getting two matching belly button rings wherein my bonus daughter Carly suggested that I hook them together with a chain. Hubby said "EWWW!!!!!"and I just giggled evilly.

That was last week. This week Cary and I are a teensy bit worried. Not a bunch, just a tad. Scar tissue is building again and I am back on a soft foods diet (NO salad again dang it!) and am quickly heading to an all liquid one. That was fine and dandy when I had Dolores, I could just make up my extra calories via the tube. Before my surgery I had a bigger stomach and could keep my calories where I needed them just by volume. Now my tummy is basically a straw to my intestines and I don't have Dolores. I have NO reserves, so when I don't get enough calories I am wiped to say the least. I am fighting hard to keep them up and got to 1300 yesterday but only made 900 the day before. I tried to keep my energy up by drinking an energy drink, but that made it worse when I "crashed". Yes I am loosing weight, but I would NOT recommend the diet plan.

I lost about 36 pounds from June to now and could even loose about 30 more before I am in serious trouble,  But I would prefer to loose the weight on MY terms thank you very much.

I have a dilation scheduled for as soon as Dr. Lo can do it which isn't until March, but I am on the cancellation list just in case (if a person cancels, I can claim their spot).

Sigh, at least I don't have cancer anymore ...  *singing the old Monty Python tune "Always Loook on the Briiiight side of Life...fade out...

I have two belly buttons now. Just thought I would share...

Dolores has been evicted! No mooree feeeeeding tuuuuube... (that was me singing...) .

I am eating normally, and since Dr. Soukiasian didn't cut my pyloric valve ( injected it with botox thingy ~ remember?) I am having NO acid reflux unless I do something stupid like eat something really spicy or chocolaty. Since I can control that, I am good! I am loving the fact that I have no doctors in my life!  (no offense to all the wonderful medical staff  that has so amazingly saved my life).   A PET scan every six months AND that is it!!!! I do have to keep an eye on my swallowing abilities (when I put it like that it sounds like a super power doesn't it ~) and if that is ever compromised  I need to go in for another balloon party dilatation. But those are old hat by now.  

I am having a bit of drainage at the site of the eviction, but Dr. Soukiasian said that is pretty normal. I think it is making me a bit blah, but I am staying on top of this time and if anything seems "off" I am to call the doctor immediately.

As per my sister I am supposed to be a hypochondriac from now on.  *whispering out the side of my mouth* yeah, THAT'll happen.... Um ....  I mean suuuure sis , just for you, I will.

Ok, why did I JUST find out that 4 x 4 s or 3 x 3 gauze squares and medical tape is cheaper to buy from tattoo places?! Especially online suppliers for tattoo parlors.

Now that I don't need them after Tuesday. The tape and the gauze, not the tattoos. The tattoos you just never know...





*whispering*
The final plan for Dolores extermination is set for the day after Monday. Don't tell her mmK? Thanks, I don't want to risk her mounting a counter attack. I'll let you know how it goes. Wish me luck, we're goin' in...