two down...

7

Second treatment today. I have decided that the radiation zapper thingy (that's the scientific name by the way) looks more like a car tire stuck to a spatula with a reeeeaaaly fat handle, than a ping pong paddle.  Just thought I would clarify...

I had a lovely day with the mom in law. I kinda pooped out on her though. We went to a nice little shopping area called The Grove ( no I didn't buy anything, just window shopped, I don't think they like poor people in those kinds of stores...), and went to the Cheesecake Factory. It didn't even bother me that I was in THE CHEESECAKE FACTORY and didn't eat a single bite of cheesecake! I found out they actually had a couple of things there I could eat! Hummus, sans bread,  and a peach smoothie. SUCH a nice break from ham in a jar with an oddly grinning baby on it... (I am really beginning to dislike that kid).

Then we meandered through the farmers market, then went to the church distribution center there by the temple. It was really a pretty day for that, but by the end I was really not feeling well and had to go back to the car for a break...

Hey, when you can't have chocolate, you get desperate...

Started treatment today!

First, on the home front:

I guess what we had been talking about - and talking about - and talking about.... hadn't quite registered with my boys as well as we thought. Little Jonah asked last night, "Where's Mom?". Without missing a beat, Ben nonchalantly said, "She's dead." .


It took a lot of comforting and calls as well as a "daddy talk" to get THAT one straightened out...*sigh*

Today officially marks the first day of me getting better! I started Chemo pills first ~ and made sure I took my anti nausea meds BEFORE I took the chemo~ then was zapped with radiation, then more chemo pills.

The radiation was an interesting experience let me tell you... After I checked in, I went into this little changing room and stripped  from the waist up.

( duh duh daaa dum...  ) 

I can honestly say though, it WAS NOT sexy in the least. They had hospital gowns waiting, and not the ones that show your butt either! These actually opened on the side and had lots of overlap.  Very nice for shy little violets such as myself....ah hem... (DANG IT!!!!! no flashing!!!!!)

One inside the treatment room, I was ready for anything, but nothing hurt, in fact, I couldn't feel a thing. I laid on a table with my arms over my head while a big ping pong paddle looking thing that just kept hovering around me. I felt like I was at Disneyland in one of those simulation rides, except the ride was moving, but I wasn't. The guys helping me were very nice, but man , it was a bit disconcerting when they all dove for cover and shut this HUGE foot thick door before the machine started up. I guess having future children must have been important to them...

So for now, I am done for the day. I have made all  my appointments,  finished all my phone calls, read my scriptures, made all my notes and I  am off to to take a nap. I am pooped.

here in LA

I am all checked into the beautiful E'lan Hotel in Beverly Hills, and I am feelin' kinda fancy....

I also am also missing my boys something fierce, so when Carly sent her dad a text that told me to check my face book, guess what happened about 2 1/2 seconds later...

At first I started laughing because they are SO dog-goned adorable. Then I just dissolved into bawling my eyeballs out. Its a mom thing....

I know this is weird, but I miss singing. I mean really belting out the tunes and SINGING.  I don't know if this is permanent, but I have already dropped a good fifth in my range and am very nearly heading toward a full octave nose dive... That and it kinda hurts to sing full force anymore.

Today I was straining to sing along with a wonderful old bluesy tune, just for the pure joy of it ~ and even with as rough as my voice is, my sweet Nathan said, "wow mom, you sing really pretty". I nearly started to cry.

Of course, I won't go into the other day when I was looking PARTICULARLY beat and haggard and he told me I was "ugly on the outside but pretty on the inside". I knew what he meant, but Carly laughingly made the comment , "I'm never having kids....".  I just laughed because he is SO innocent and trying SO hard to give compliments. He really is a sweet boy.

tired, but grateful for a good day.

The title about said it all. I am just so anxious to get this going again! It seemed to take forever to get the ball rolling, and now ( thanks to prayers and miracles) everything has just fallen into place.

BTW , before I forget, I wanted to help get the word out...

Don't worry,  it wasn't pureed chicken....

 ok, back to the blog...



I saw an acquaintance today that I had lost contact with. She made the comment that I looked like I had been loosing weight. (and those of you following this, please don't worry, all things are relative and I still have a LOOOOOOONNNNNG way to go before I am considered malnourished...) I jokingly old her thanks, but I don't think I would recommend my diet plan. She was so cute then, she asked if it was that lemonade diet (its the fad around here right now). I was wicked and said, " Nope, I am on the cancer diet.". I was trying to be silly, but she threw her arms around me and with tears in her eyes told me she was just recovering from breast cancer. I felt about knee high to a grass hopper then and actually shared a momentary bonding ~ with no flip answers, no pretending, no facade. Just pure understanding. Weird what can bring people together sometimes huh?...

the boys all gussied up

My beautiful boys

SO MUCH TO DO .... and so little energy...

6
Gotta get all packed up to go to LA on Tues night. I also just want to get everything in order as much as possible before I leave for the next 5 1/2 weeks. I know I will be home on weekends ( knock on wood) but I most likely will have even less energy than I do now.  And the great part is that when I am all done with that wonderful and fun experience of chemo and radiation, and I come home, it will be time for us to move. (sigh)

We still don't know where we will be moving to yet, we are still looking , but I am SURE it will be smaller than the place we live in now.  Sooo.....I need to be almost cruel about culling through all my junk. If we haven't used it in a year- its gone. Cary was thrilled to see an old ugly house dress of mine bit the dust~ but  not before Ben put it on Grecian style and started to sing "all the single ladies" to wake up his brothers this morning, all the while trying to dance on their beds.  I just loved that.

I just finished going over the schedule for once I am up in LA and Miss Carly has left for New York. I decided I must be borderline OCD ( the one that doesn't involve the clean part) . I wrote out all sorts of instructions that I really think won't matter a bit if they are strictly adhered to or not... I suppose it was just to make ME feel better.

Today I thought I would post more specific instructions for my readers... follow them to the letter, and don't get lost this time!

If you do , it's not my fault...

past posts

I got a couple of concerns that the past posts have "disappeared" Sorry about that, I just archived them. If you want to go back and read old posts ( I know I am witty, but really people you are embarrassing me.........oh...you wanted them as evidence....*sigh) just go to the side bar where it says blog archive. Right now I just have them by date. If you want the titles back, just let me know. No biggie to me either way.

...........speaking of evidence.........

just tired

4
nothing new today, just really tired. I am starting to slowly but surely get things packed. Don't expect to come into my house and see a whole bunch of boxes all taped up and ready to go~ I just did the little boys books today. Carly has been working on boxing up all the "extras" like CDs and DVDs we haven't watched in like 8 years as well as helping me with the boys. I think we are wearing that poor girl out!

before I go, I wanted to make sure you all knew what to do if you encounter a mountain lion... You NEVER know....

 OK, all of you who kinda of snickered, vs all of you that said  "ewwwwwww..... " - let see a show of hands....

many thanks...

3-8
Ok here people, I have been trying to keep a notebook of all the kind things people have done for us. I am trying my best to make sure I either call you personally or at the very least send a thank you card, but you guys are WAY ahead of me. PLEASE forgive me if I do not get all my notes written or calls made. I truly DO appreciate all you are doing for me and need for you each to feel the love and gratitude wafting your way. I could never do this without all of you!  In all humility, we~ the Clark family as a whole, as well as a sicko chick  that is going to get better, thank you with all our hearts. You are angels.

Sending you all my love because ....