yesterday was a really good day. I got a lot accomplished, and didn't feel wiped out until way after 6:00 pm! today...~ ... well, here is what I wrote on my facebook page :

"yesterday was a good day. Today, I am still working on getting my butt in the shower and it is dinner time...and its a stinky butt too....."

I guess I am still struggling to understand why I can be so full of beans and vigor one day and feel so wiped the next. I mean its not like the cancer is growing anymore, its dead. SO why is my body not bouncing back? My head knows it has only been a week since I stopped treatment, but dang it my spirit want to get out there and enjoy these next few weeks before I go under the knife! I guess I will just take the good days as I can get them, but it still sucks when there are bad ones.

I found this on the web and laughed out loud. 

Death AND a fine... hmmmm.... I must remember not to touch those wires...

 

Today we were out driving in wine country ~ beautiful by the way, when we saw a herd of long horns. Ben said excitedly, " Look mom! a moose!" It made me smile. I have just been enjoying my boys to no end, but I am still moving a bit too slow for my taste. I want to be up and running, but by the end of the day I am pretty much done in. Heck, by about noon I am pretty much done in. I pushed today to get a little shopping for necessities done, but I made sure Cary was with me to pick me up if I fell flat. Luckily I did no such thing and didn't poop out until just before dinner.

I have a rough idea of schedules now, not exact dates yet, but close.  In two week I see the radiologist to follow up. In three weeks I have blood work and labs done. In four weeks I have the PET scan. In 5 weeks we do the pre-op stuff and in 6 weeks - the surgery. That will put it happening around the first week in June.

Until then, I just get feeling better and totally enjoy all the snuggles I missed out on.

I just loved this one...

Sunday was a really hurty day, so I just laid around like a lump. But Monday?

Monday was a WONDERFUL day. You wanna know why huh? Well, I had my followup visit with my oncologist.He started out by saying I took this treatment better than about 90% of his patients.  Then he started explaining how there was still most likely a big ol mass in my esophagus, but that it was a big DEAD mass.

It took a few minutes for that to sink in.

Long story short he is pretty dog-goned positive that I have BEATEN THIS MONSTER!!!!

He started telling me that I would have a decision to make because my PET scan would have a very good chance of coming back completely clear. The controversy arises because surgery on a a pet scan that comes back clear could seem "unnecessary".  BUTTT the odds of reoccurrance is much higher in patients without the surgery. I have already done my homework on this, read all the statistics, patient stories, and every article I could possibly find ~  and had already made my decision when he asked. I have far too much to risk if I have a reoccurance, because the 2nd time round is always uglier and more aggressive. I WILL see my children to adulthood. I will have the surgery in about 6 weeks.

We took the boys up to LA with us this trip so we could let them know immediately what the doctor had said, so we all went to Joes Crab Shack on the way home to celebrate.  This one even had a little playground and I just reveled in the sounds, the smells, the life all around me.  I  know this sounds kinda weird, but I felt a pride in accomplishment that I haven't felt since my boys were born.  With prayers, support, love and God, I BEAT THIS S.O.B.!

Monday was definitely a good day.

Ok the danger of telling a friend that you need her to come over and get your butt off the couch to go walking even if you do not feel like it  - is that she will remember ~ and get your butt off the couch to go walking even when you REALLLLYYYYY don't want to. I am glad I went, but man it seemed so hard today. So despite all my grumblings, thanks Steph, I love you, even though I looked at you really mean at first...

It has been heaven being home. I am enjoying my kids, my hubby and my new house every second. I am also ecstatic I don't have to start poisoning my body again on Monday!  I would just get feeling like I could handle stuff again, when the weekend would end and I would start the yucky stuff again.  Did I mention I was thrilled about not having to start that up again?

I actually felt good enough to go pick up Nathan from a birthday party this afternoon! I just loved hearing all the noise and excitement and joy and kazoos....It made me smile wide. I also giggled at Cary playing with the boys today. I love just listening to the sounds of family life. I really missed that.

Completely off subject, I found this pic and cant decide if I am more disturbed that it is so instructional or that it is posted in such a public place...

I AM DONE with radiation and Chemo! I AM DONE with radiation and Chemo! say it with me now, I AM DONE with radiation and Chemo! I get to rest for awhile now, I'll have tests and stuff before the surgery, but nothing too terrible. I feel like I just peddled up a really steep hill and now am at the top looking forward the coast down the other side.
I am just so thrilled to be home. I missed my family so much. I guess little Jonah kept telling his daddy , " Dad I weowwy (really) need my mommy!" Cindi drove me back today and then is heading back home to Virginia tomorrow. I have really enjoyed her company and have been thankful for her help.
I am also thankful there is not a huge move looming ahead of us!  We can finish unpacking a box at a time, but the hard part is done! HOrrraaayyyy!!!!

ONE MORE TREATMENT!!!! Can someone please start the song "the final countdown"? I think it would be appropriate. If I felt better I would be dancing right now...For now I will content myself in packing up the apartment

On the homefront, I guess Bub is leaving today, and once a.gain, I will not be home to see a person off who has helped our family so much. Bub, thank you so much for all you did and most of all for taking such good care of my babies. Have a safe trip and I promise, we will not come to visit for at least two years... :) Give my love to all those in Vernal.

My sister found this little gem, it kinda fits...

I was walking down the hall tday after my treatment just gloating about the fact that I only have 2 more to go! yes! ( imaginary fist pump there in case you were wondering)  I could not be happier. Because I have to lay flat for the treatment, it is always a race to see if the heartburn starts hurting first or if the radiation gets done first. The last week or so the heartburn has been winning a lot. I just go back to the apartment, load up on pain meds and take a nap. I feel like I have slept WAYYYY to much these days. Don't get me wrong I am grateful to be in a place here I CAN sleep. I know it is helping my body heal, but man it just is NOT in my nature.

ok, for those of you ever planning on getting esophageal cancer, first off don't. Then, if you do, make sure you take your anti nausea pills. Next, ask for a drug called MMX. It is an antacid that has lidocain ( iread topical pain killer) in it as well as antifungal properties ( helps control mushroom outbreaks ~ well either that or Thrush) .
I have a massive headache tonight so I wont write much. Just that I only have 3 more days of treatment! And that Jonah went on a field trip to see the aquarium at legoland. And that Ben told me, again, that he is changing his name from batman to Ben 10. Jonah is still Sonic. Good to know these things...

really hurty today, and to make it even better, I have gas something fierce. Just thought you might all like to know that.   I got my treatment done, and then took some pills and promptly went to bed. Ah life in the fast lane here in L.A.!   It has been a huge help to have my sister Cindi here. She gets to hear me burp a lot.

At home, Cary and Bub worked thier butts off to get the new house habitable for me to come home to. A lovely couple Cary met though work came over and helped as well. Thanks Stewart and Deb! Poor Cary would have been lost without you!

I was just so tickled to see my boys. I miss them so much when I am gone. They totally loved being on spring break and I am so happy this move happened now instead of during school. It was adventure for them instead of a stress. We won't talk about Cary and his stress levels bless his heart.

Because the brain is not working today and I worry I might divulge some deep dark bad hair day secret, I might have to make this one a short one today.  woops. too late...

Didn't feel too good yesterday, Ok pretty lousy actually, so I didn't blog. My main focus was on not loosing my lunch and perhaps even not spending my night next to the toilet... Ah the joys of the chemo drug, Oxiliplatin! As bad as it was, it was NOWHERE near as bad as last time thank you very much and my veins all stayed in tact. I am thankful for that much at least. I still have the pins and needles feelings as well as the owies up and down my arm at the sight of the infusion, but ll in all I think I weathered this pretty good. Dr Van Scoy Mosher,  (my oncologist), said that I "have tolerated treatment very well". Then he added " Within reason, I think that is because you decided to tolerate it well.". Well I was pretty proud of myself thank you very much! Then I thought of the alternative to "tolerating " the treatment and figured, yeah, If I would have refused treatment I think I could have kissed my bottom goodbye and never be a huge embarrassment to my beautiful boys as they go through puberty, or been able to be a pain in the butt to my wonderful husband when he got old and crotchety, or even get old and join the Red Hat Society,  ~ all of which I look forward to with great gusto.

Well, I am feeling a bit "peaked' as they say, so I will fill the rest of this day with pics I took before I started feeling so nasty...

 views of the walk I get to enjoy on the way to the hospital

This one is my favorite :)