I ATE PUMPKIN PIE TODAY!!!!! I also had mashed potatoes, candied yams, green beans and hummus!OK so it was a tiny bite of each before I got full, but I love Thanksgiving and I love love love Dr Lo!

*happy and contented sigh*

First off, another balloon party dilation happened yesterday.

When I was there in prep, I was trying to decide if knowing the nurses so well that I was asking :

.....about Danielle's pregnant daughter, or why Achilles wasn't at work today, or if Michelle wouldn't mind if we called Ron from the IV team this time cause my veins were being mean to me today, or if Mike was finished with his traveling nurse assignment, or where Mariella gets her hair clips 'cause they always match her scrubs.......

was this a good thing or a bad thing?   hmmmm...

Anywhoo, Dr. Lo got ye ol' stomophagus to 14 millimeters. The magic number we are shooting for is 15, so we are almost there. The tissue had grown back to a point it was before the last dilation, so he was pretty aggressive this time, actually removing scar tissue and injecting me with steroids so the tissue wouldn't grow back as fast. He really is an amazing doctor.  I also got a new medication to basically "shellac" the lining to help it heal faster and smooth it out a bit. I am so very happy that after 2 days of a clear liquid diet, I get to finally have some real food. Well, soft foods like mashed taters, canned fruit or veggies, etc. Still no salad, but we are getting there. I am thankful for that.  I am also thankful Nathan said "Mom I am really kinda sick of pizza.".

The kids have been eating that pretty solid for the past year with Cary doing the single dad thing and all. Poor hubby reached the "sick of it" stage back around last April. To his credit he stuck to it...and stuck to it pretty darn well I might add. This has been a hard year on him. On all of us really, but we emerged from the other side a with a few more gray hairs (OK a lot more gray hairs, but that is what L'Oreal is for...), but we DID emerge.

I know I have been belly aching a lot these past few blogs, but I really do have so much to be grateful for. I just need to take the time to understand that.

In fact, for the last past 5 months Cary and I have been trying our darnest to figure out a thank you gift for Dr. Soukiasian. "Thanks for saving my life, here's some golf balls." just doesn't seem to cut it.  We have searched high and low, even asking his nurse for suggestions to his interests. We are still at square one.

How can ANYTHING convey to him  that I am here because of his skill and Gods grace?  I get to see my children grow, play fetch with the dog and throw water balloons. I get to hold my babies when they cry and comfort them when they are scared. I get to watch them wrestle and giggle at their antics.

I get to fly kites with them.











How do you even begin to say thank you for that? Somehow even a nice fruit basket seems a bit trite.

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Quick update

I haven't written for some time, but just wanted to give a quick update.

#1 I am doing really really well. I am back to the no pain thing, although I am having nightmares about wrecking any car I drive.

#2 Insurance is covering the car completely. SO relieved about that because we didn't have gap insurance. Hubby just picked a car that held it's value, thank heaven.

#3 Bub's sister, Cary's sweet aunt, has cancer. (* REALLY hating the C word right now...*)

Art by Pam Martin submitted to the Tabula Rosa Vanderbilt School of Medicine 5/20/2010

update: *deep sigh* Apparently our luck is contagious.

While Bub has been here to help us, his sister (Cary's aunt) ruptured her colon (she is in surgery even as I write this)  and his mother (Cary's grandmother) developed a huge blood clot in her hand from an arm she broke that hasn't healed yet. He can't go home yet because his truck is still having it's transmission rebuilt.

I am just sitting here a little dazed at by all of this. (warning: obvious understatement ahead). 2010 has been a bit of an uphill climb for our family...

Dear Janet, 

Still another of my dear friend diagnosed with cancer. You. That just sucks. You have 3 little ones. My heart is hurting for what I know lies ahead for both you and your family. Speaking from experience, I know you worry about your kids as you all go to hell and back. I really don't mean to scare you, it is just the way it is. Make sure you pack marshmallows if you get too close to those flames, then laugh in Beelzebub's face as you make s'mores.

You will beat this. Hey if  I ~ who was the biggest wimp in the county~ could do it, then you, Super-Mom, can! I will be there for you ~ holding your hand, listening as you need an ear, that kind of stuff~ you can bet on that, but I also plan to do as much as I can for your kids.  I may not be able to tend them since they are so young, and I don't have all my strength back yet, but there are a bunch of things I CAN do.  One thing I can handle is to pass the buck delegate. I can let other people know what is helpful to children who have a parent with cancer. And not just in the beginning. Everyone wants to help in the beginning.  This is a "long haul load" baby.

I am re-posting a PDF but it is also on my side bar as well.  It is a great bunch of suggestions. I am also asking everyone I know, "PLEASE ~ if you know someone with kids who is battling this terrible disease, take time to read this.

Some of the kind things done for me AND my kids were:

When Miss Haley took my boys to the park so much. She rode bikes with them and got them to laugh. Carly Sue made them giggle with the green milk and cupcakes that tricky little leprechaun left on St Patty's day. She put frosting on their noses and made special treats for their lunches. Aaron made them laugh until they nearly peed themselves when he would wrestle and tickle them. All three of those wonderful people made sure the routine of everyday life stayed the same. And for kids struggling with autism, that was HUGE.

My mother in law came down and took the kids to the pumpkin patch, bought them Halloween costumes and just generally spoiled them rotten! They LOVED it.  One sweet friend, among other things, took my kids out to pizza,  gave them an Easter egg hunt, and let them come over to her house to pick out the "good" cereal off her pantry shelves. Another friend took all my kids and gave them haircuts.  Many friends have stepped forward to pick up kids from school, and when emergencies rear their ugly heads, have even let the kids have a "sleep over". And on a school night!

My father in law dropped everything to come help with the kids and the house, not once but twice.  My sister lives far away, but sends "care packages" for the kids. One of the last ones she sent had Halloween tattoos in it and the kids had a WILD time just out of the tub one night covering almost every inch of their bodies in thin plastic imaging induced madness! I was less stressed because I knew they were having fun, and the boys knew it was really ok to laugh.

In this life, I know a parents first worry is their kids.  If they are happy and well cared for, then we sickos can concentrate on the business of getting better.  It doesn't mean it will be easy, for the parent OR the kid. But it makes it all do-able. There are some things on that list that are completely free. Some things take an afternoon.  And the "helper" gets the added bonus of being added to a bank of good memories the child is building! And the gratitude they receive from the parent is immeasurable.

For all those who allowed me that privilege, I will be forever grateful and take every occasion I can to  thank them from the bottom of my heart. I feel immensely blessed that my family and I have such a strong support system.

May you, my dear Janet, feel the same love and peace knowing your kids are well and cared for as you begin this nasty battle.

May I be part of your support system.

All my love,
Me

Questions for the Universe

First off, Cary and I would like to ask the Universe a few questions. A-hem....

#1 Did we open a cursed mummy tomb in a past life? If so when and where did we actually pee on the sarcophagus? I'm just sayin'....'cause just opening it really doesn't seem all that bad.

#2 Did we dig up some ancient Indian burial grounds to plant a Chuck-E-Cheese on the spot? Cause if we did, we will GIVE you the extra tokens...

#3 Did we by chance, steal cursed Aztec gold? And if we did, where did we hide it? ... 'Cause we could sure use some of it right now.

*Sigh* That will about do it for now. Please get back to me on that A.S.A.P. O.K? Specially 'bout that gold part... mmm K? Thanks Universe...

All-righty then, back to talking to the universes' inhabitants... Oooo when I put it like that it kinda makes us all sound like fleas....  ( there is that random and convoluted thought pattern I keep trying to warn you about...)

So, bet you fleas inhabitants were wondering what all this was about huh? Wellllll...... Here goes.

First off let me say I am grateful for the blessing of being alive and that Bubs truck didn't break down in the middle of the desert....

"Whoa", you say, "that came outta left field.".... Let me back up a bit.

Flash back fade in....

About 6 months ago, hubby got the first brand new car he has ever purchased in his life. I am talking ~ 16 miles on it when he picked it up from the dealer. He loves that thing. I named it Daisy because I needed to label my husbands "other woman". I was a bit apprehensive when he first brought her home, but there were NO jealousy issues I swear...

Befoooorrre....

I got used to the polygamous life style quite quickly and thought how lucky I was that at least my hubby didn't sport really bad hair or make me bawl all the time (TLC show called Sister Wives - look it up - or don't - it's pretty disturbing... but back to the point)

Sister Wives and the dude with really bad hair

So, Tuesday morning I just dropped off the kids to school, except Ben, who was still home sick with pneumonia. I don't exactly remember much but the nice policey-man said I made a left in front of oncoming traffic. He didn't give me a ticket  - yet -  because he was still "investigating". He said the other car looked to have been going about 55 or 60 mph when it struck me and the skid marks were "longer than they should have been". Read: he was driving faster than a bat out of - well, you know...

It was still my fault.... I .... I .... I killed Daisy!!!!

......Annnndddd after

Well, I guess I had enough where-with-all to ask some dude to call my husband and hand him my phone. Cary bundled poor little Ben in the car and rushed to where the accident happened.  I think he said he got there even before they got me out of the car. A nice lady at the scene told my hubby that I kept repeating how how hard my sweetheart had worked for this car and I RUINED it.

They bundled me off in in an ambulance and poor Cary was left wondering what to do with Ben and how he was going to coordinate everything. Luckily we have some pretty awesome friends that stepped up. My sweet friend Stephanie took Ben and the ward took care of the rest.

Cary came to the hospital after that, and it was only then he found out I was really O.K..  I think I saw him physically buckle at that point. My poor sweetheart had been told I had hurt my neck and couldn't feel my toes (not true. actual events: seat belt had rubbed the tender scar on my neck and the metal gas pedal had torn my toe a bit) .

I think it was this incident that cemented in my brain that the local doctors are terrified of me.

"She had her WHAT removed???!!"

They again refused to stitch back in the feeding tube (bummer that all but one of those beautiful stitches Dr. Lo put in ripped out...) AND they kept saying things like, "Wait, where is her stomach again? Make sure you confirm that with her history...". Stuff like that. Kinda a dead give-away...mmmm maybe I AM an alien!!!!

They did a full CAT scan from the tip of my head to my pelvis and to tell you the honest truth, I am just bruised and stiff, but I broke no bones and did no permanent damage, thank the Lord. They sent me home after just a few hours.

I did bonk my bean pretty good and got some good bit of nausea and headache from it, but Cary was vigilant about making sure he woke me about every 20 minutes or so. All night long.

Cary's dad Bub insisted on coming up from Vernal to help ~ which to tell you the truth, I am more than a little grateful for. I didn't think I would be quite this laid up! I am pretty sore, but after what I've been through, I  think I would be a bit tougher than this! ( it's the big boob syndrome coming through again....)

Oh, and after Cary brought me home, he was in a rush to get pain meds for me, and got a ticket (rolling stop at a stop sign, not speeding I should add... ) on the way home from the drug store.

We gotta have another sit down with that Universe ....

AND about 5 miles from our house, Bub's truck blew it's transmission.

O.K,   THAT . is . IT!  ~~~ Universe needs a time out....


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Ben is sick. It wears me out faster than my old self to have a sick little one to stay up with. pretty pooped right now, but wanted to pass on a link I thought was a worthy cause.

http://www.starkravingmadmommy.com/2010/11/what-to-do-with-leftover-candy.html

gonna go sleep now cause my little guy is finally down. for now.