Cary and I saw the most beautiful southern California sunrise together this morning.  Ask me WHY we were treated to such a spectacular sight.

Why you ask? Oh how kind of you to inquire.

Well, about 3 AM this morning, ye ol' feeding tube decided to finally take umbrage at all the verbal abuse I had been heaping upon it - and exited my body, stage left.

Maybe if I named it and talked nice to it from now on it will be nicer to me.  Hhhmmmm... *furrows brow* ... what's a good name......*jepardy theme*....

OOO  OOO I know! I will give her a nice Latin name. Dolore Asinum.  Dolores for short.

But back to my story...

The fun part was that I had recently lost my wallet, so no insurance cards, no ID, no nothin'.  After calling the hubby to come home from work, I tore through every file I had looking for something to prove I was me and that I had insurance (note to self and any others who have medical issues - keep a photocopy of everything in a handy place in case of this kind of emergency. Lesson learned the hard way.).  About the time I had found everything I needed, Cary got home and we decided to try a new ER. Rancho Springs was closer than Inland Regional, although it is much smaller and only has basic services. The entrance to the ER looks like a cheap motel, but the staff are lovely. They got Dolores back in place and even did an x-ray with contrast to make sure she was in the right place. Bless their hearts, they still refused to stitch her back in though. *big sigh*. Is it really that scary to take a jab at a completely willing victim patient? Cauliflower anyone?

So on the way home a completely exhausted me and an even more depleted hubby were blessed to witness said gorgeous sunrise. When I was single (a million years ago - or twelve - who's counting)  I would have thought it was romantic or something. We were both too pooped for romance. Buuut it was beautiful.

Questions for the Universe

First off, Cary and I would like to ask the Universe a few questions. A-hem....

#1 Did we open a cursed mummy tomb in a past life? If so when and where did we actually pee on the sarcophagus? I'm just sayin'....'cause just opening it really doesn't seem all that bad.

#2 Did we dig up some ancient Indian burial grounds to plant a Chuck-E-Cheese on the spot? Cause if we did, we will GIVE you the extra tokens...

#3 Did we by chance, steal cursed Aztec gold? And if we did, where did we hide it? ... 'Cause we could sure use some of it right now.

*Sigh* That will about do it for now. Please get back to me on that A.S.A.P. O.K? Specially 'bout that gold part... mmm K? Thanks Universe...

All-righty then, back to talking to the universes' inhabitants... Oooo when I put it like that it kinda makes us all sound like fleas....  ( there is that random and convoluted thought pattern I keep trying to warn you about...)

So, bet you fleas inhabitants were wondering what all this was about huh? Wellllll...... Here goes.

First off let me say I am grateful for the blessing of being alive and that Bubs truck didn't break down in the middle of the desert....

"Whoa", you say, "that came outta left field.".... Let me back up a bit.

Flash back fade in....

About 6 months ago, hubby got the first brand new car he has ever purchased in his life. I am talking ~ 16 miles on it when he picked it up from the dealer. He loves that thing. I named it Daisy because I needed to label my husbands "other woman". I was a bit apprehensive when he first brought her home, but there were NO jealousy issues I swear...

Befoooorrre....

I got used to the polygamous life style quite quickly and thought how lucky I was that at least my hubby didn't sport really bad hair or make me bawl all the time (TLC show called Sister Wives - look it up - or don't - it's pretty disturbing... but back to the point)

Sister Wives and the dude with really bad hair

So, Tuesday morning I just dropped off the kids to school, except Ben, who was still home sick with pneumonia. I don't exactly remember much but the nice policey-man said I made a left in front of oncoming traffic. He didn't give me a ticket  - yet -  because he was still "investigating". He said the other car looked to have been going about 55 or 60 mph when it struck me and the skid marks were "longer than they should have been". Read: he was driving faster than a bat out of - well, you know...

It was still my fault.... I .... I .... I killed Daisy!!!!

......Annnndddd after

Well, I guess I had enough where-with-all to ask some dude to call my husband and hand him my phone. Cary bundled poor little Ben in the car and rushed to where the accident happened.  I think he said he got there even before they got me out of the car. A nice lady at the scene told my hubby that I kept repeating how how hard my sweetheart had worked for this car and I RUINED it.

They bundled me off in in an ambulance and poor Cary was left wondering what to do with Ben and how he was going to coordinate everything. Luckily we have some pretty awesome friends that stepped up. My sweet friend Stephanie took Ben and the ward took care of the rest.

Cary came to the hospital after that, and it was only then he found out I was really O.K..  I think I saw him physically buckle at that point. My poor sweetheart had been told I had hurt my neck and couldn't feel my toes (not true. actual events: seat belt had rubbed the tender scar on my neck and the metal gas pedal had torn my toe a bit) .

I think it was this incident that cemented in my brain that the local doctors are terrified of me.

"She had her WHAT removed???!!"

They again refused to stitch back in the feeding tube (bummer that all but one of those beautiful stitches Dr. Lo put in ripped out...) AND they kept saying things like, "Wait, where is her stomach again? Make sure you confirm that with her history...". Stuff like that. Kinda a dead give-away...mmmm maybe I AM an alien!!!!

They did a full CAT scan from the tip of my head to my pelvis and to tell you the honest truth, I am just bruised and stiff, but I broke no bones and did no permanent damage, thank the Lord. They sent me home after just a few hours.

I did bonk my bean pretty good and got some good bit of nausea and headache from it, but Cary was vigilant about making sure he woke me about every 20 minutes or so. All night long.

Cary's dad Bub insisted on coming up from Vernal to help ~ which to tell you the truth, I am more than a little grateful for. I didn't think I would be quite this laid up! I am pretty sore, but after what I've been through, I  think I would be a bit tougher than this! ( it's the big boob syndrome coming through again....)

Oh, and after Cary brought me home, he was in a rush to get pain meds for me, and got a ticket (rolling stop at a stop sign, not speeding I should add... ) on the way home from the drug store.

We gotta have another sit down with that Universe ....

AND about 5 miles from our house, Bub's truck blew it's transmission.

O.K,   THAT . is . IT!  ~~~ Universe needs a time out....


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added a couple more favorite links on the side bar...

Dr appointment went well, Met my PCP for the first time. Way back when, when I was arguing with the insurance, trying to get the care I needed, he was kind enough to just sign referrals with only reading my medical reports, not seeing me. (time constraints) . He seems very thorough and likable enough. He just kept saying "wow" when we were telling him a bit about the treatments I had gone through. He also made the comment, " I am glad I am seeing you after all this is over!".

I am just glad all this is over... well mostly...

Haven't posted in a while, just out of pure laziness I guess.
Lets see to catch up...
*I got my feeding tube clogged again, but thank heaven Cary got it unstuck by brute force. I couldn't have done it, I am a big wuss! ...

* Got permission from the doctor to put that blasted Nexium (the culprit in the clogging capers) into applesauce and eating it instead of putting it in through the feeding tube. (all pills had been being crushed, mixed with water and shot it directly into my intestines (ewww... BTW).


*finished up all my antibiotics so all I am on now is the aforementioned evil Nexium, a med to help keep my heart rate down ( Lopressor) and my pain meds (which I am trying to go without for longer and longer periods of time. So far, haven't been too successful at that, but working on it).

* Aunt Maralee took the kids to Sea World and they LOVED IT. Thank you so much Aunt Maralee and all the cousins who made it so fun for them. Jonah couldn't quit telling me about the walrus with HUGE teeth ~ but it was ok because he was nice...And Ben was MOST impressed with the sword he got as a souvenir. He showed me all his "secret moves"...


*Oh and the final pathology report came back. All my margins (the area around where the tumor was removed) are completely clear. I am COMPLETELY cancer free ~ officially.

Um , i think I messed up the dates on the follow up appointment. We got all the way into LA and discovered my appt wasn't until Thursday. Jo Marie was sweet though and helped me change my dressing and just checked up on me. We will head back on Thursday. Cary and I are both pretty tired, and the drive is a long one, but so worth it. I am so thankful to be in such capable hands I won't complain about the small stuff!

Still doing great... a very short update:

Stacey continues to do phenomenally.  Dr. Soukiasian came by this afternoon and pronounced her "a champ!"  He is so proud of how hard she is working and says that if all goes well, she might be home as early as next Tuesday. 

Today was a physically draining day for Stacey.  As the anesthesia wears off more and and she recovers more she is becoming more aware of her pain and the frustrations of some of her limitations.  So while this is hard for her to deal with and hard for those of us who love her to watch, it's such a good sign of recovery.  It means that she's getting well enough to be bothered by all this.  Again, great news!

She continues to walk, practice her breathing exercises, and follow the doctor's directions religiously and she looks better every time I see her.  Her energy is up a bit and she seems able to sustain it for a bit longer today.  She's also beginning to remember events better. 

Her grit along with your prayers and thoughts are a tough combination - and they're working:

100% Cancer Free!!!

It's official!  The lab results came back yesterday on the lymph nodes removed during surgery on Monday and they are completely clear of cancer.  Stacey does not have cancer! 

As for recovery, she is making remarkable progress.  Dr. Soukiasian came by about 7am Wednesday morning and pronounced her no longer critical.  He released her from ICU barely more than 36 hours from admitting her to ICU.  This is no doubt due to the great job he and his team did but no small measure of this success is owed directly to Stacey's determination to do everything the doctor has asked to letter perfection. 

Right now we are on a "tube- and wire-removal countdown".  Monday she had 8 tubes and numerous wires connected.  She's down to 5 tubes and no permanent wires.  She'll be home before you know it!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Stacey on her road to recovery...

HUGE VICTORY!!!!

We were able to get it approved to have the primary care physician just sign everything - not only that, ALL REFERRALS have  gone through and I have authorization #s in my hot little hands!!!!!
WOOOO HOOOO!!!!!!

got a lot accomplished today ~ well, at least by my standards...

I get tired by afternoon, so I try my best to get as much done in the AM as possible. Today it was the making of the phone calls  to try to get it approved to have my new primary care physician waive the usual first visit thing and just sign all the referrals. All the diagnoses and tests have pretty much been done. I might need another CAT scan or even a PET scan, but those can be ordered after I see the oncologist.

 My sister is in town for the weekend, which has been really nice. WAY too long in between visits.... Anyhow, today we left about 8:30 and went shopping! Wait, before you get all excited about that new purse or pair of shoes~ they don't exist. We shopped for wonderful things like pillows that help keep nasty germs away, pillow cases that will not pull what is left of my hair out once I start chemo, but most importantly, we shopped for BABY FOOD! Strained peaches and carrots and ham, OH my!

Such will be my new diet. We actually were able to find other things as well that I can eat, I am just so not excited about the baby food aspect of all this. Hey, whatever it takes to stay healthy!

I never in a million years dream I would be counting calories to keep them UP! I feel like I have entered.....
the Twilight Zone...(creepy theme music fades in....)

In a nutshell, the food I must eat can't be high in fat, cannot contain anything with acid  (like tomatoes, citrus or vinegar ) must be high in protein, must supply the fiber and nutrients I need ~ and it can't be any thicker than a thin paste.  Now before any of you out there start suggesting protein powders, health shakes and ensure, please know I have been living off these. I need variation in my diet or #1,  I don't get all the fruits, veggies and vitamins I need and #2,  I will probably loose my mind LONG before I  have surgery and get placed on a feeding tube. Since I don't want to add shock therapy to my regimen, I figure we should start looking around at different options.

We have come up with quite a few ideas actually, but if you can think of any more I am open!

hummus, thinned with beef broth (my fav)

soups put through the blender

whole bran cereals soaked in low fat milk until they fall apart

cream of wheat and oatmeal, made thinly

baby foods and cereals

low fat non yeast breads soaked in milk (like banana bread made with applesauce)

applesauce

yogurt

low fat puddings and custards

sorbets

that sort of thing.  Not very exciting, but luckily the Lord has blessed me enough to really think ALL food sounds nasty right now. And right now, I am not lactose intolerant ( apparently about half of the chemo patients undergoing treatment become lactose intolerant) so I can drink milk too.


Now for another gem ...

just getting started

First of all , to all those who have the need to make sure they are in the right place, this is Chemistry 101. We will start out by learning that Chemistry is the study of matter. Like physicists, chemists study the fundamental properties of matter and they also explore the interactions between matter and energy.




*snicker*.... I really am evil at heart...




Actually, I am here to help all those who know and love me (blush)  keep up with what is going on as I battle this yucky thing called cancer without calling each and every one of you. Now , don't get me wrong, I would LOVE to visit with each of you and see how everyone was doing , and ask about your kids and and your cats and the job, I really love that kind of stuff. But unfortunately I just can't. (DANG I hate time limitations and lack of energy!....) I will do my best to update this as often as I can, or perhaps even have someone do that for me when I am unable.

Here goes....




In October of 2009, My hubby rushed me to the emergency room when I choked on a mouthful of rice. I never stopped breathing, but I did start throwing up blood. Now, just a hint, if that ever happens, it's NOT a good thing... Lots of tests and 2 months later, I was diagnosed with esophageal cancer . We didn't know the stage yet, so, we went to a Dr Simon Lo with Cedars Sinai. Came back as stage T3 M1 .

Basically what that means is that it has broken through the walls of the esophagus and has entered the lymph nodes. The tumor is too big to operate on right now, but chemo and possibly radiation should shrink that puppy down to size. Once it gets more operable, I will have have the pleasure of having my whole esophagus and the upper portion of my tummy removed... I will spare you the details for now, 'cause it is particularly nasty.

I do have to tell all of you that fasted and prayed for me, I did get the doctors I needed even though the insurance company was being a butt-head about it. (Can I say butt-head on a family blog? Ah well, its MY blog, I can even say "Poop" if I want! .... I'm SUCH a potty mouth).

I do have to give kudos to the staff of Dr. Lo, Dr.Soukiasian AND the medical director of Cedars Sinai! They really went to bat for me and I will be forever grateful for that. The insurance wasn't budging, so by a pure MIRACLE we found a loophole. I am simply changing my primary care physician to one at Cedars!

But I digress. Once I recover from that operation, I will go in for more chemo to get the last traces of this little monster. I understand I will have to learn how to eat again ( fun! ~ sarcasm for those who missed that) , will have a feeding tube for WWWAAAYYY too long, and ...
I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO EAT CHOCOLATE AGAIN IN MY WHOLE LIFE!!!! :(

*sigh... I suppose I can learn to live with that if it means I get to see my babies grow up.

I aint a' lyin' ~ I got a heck of a road ahead of me, but I am actually more worried about my husband and my sweet children.

For those of you locally, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for all you are doing and all you have offered to do. I am working with Cleo Garcia with the French Valley Ward to coordinate the things like meals, rides to the doctor, taking my kids to or from school, babysitting, and even helping my kids with their homework.

Seriously, my dear and wonderful friends, if you are local, please ~ we will need your time. We are trying to split it up into small blocks so that MOST of the sign ups will only take an hour or so. We DO NOT have definite time frames yet, but as soon as we get them, I will post them and make sure Cleo has them as well so she can start filling in all the time slots. Hey, if it's one thing we Mormons are good at , its getting organized on a big ol' scale.

If you are farther away and just REALLY feel the need to help, my sister has set up a website that will help us with everything from moving expenses (yup we gotta move in April) to the extra co-pays and gas we will use. Again to the local friends, your TIME is much more valuable to us.

For right now, Cary's beautiful oldest daughter, Carly is here staying with us. She has been SUCH a God send. She will have to leave the end of March to join her husband in New York, but until then , I am just so happy/grateful/appreciative to have her help (bit of an understatement I might add...).

So that's the story. Now I just want to share a bit of wisdom with all of you...




Please try to remember that now...