I was walking down the hall tday after my treatment just gloating about the fact that I only have 2 more to go! yes! ( imaginary fist pump there in case you were wondering)  I could not be happier. Because I have to lay flat for the treatment, it is always a race to see if the heartburn starts hurting first or if the radiation gets done first. The last week or so the heartburn has been winning a lot. I just go back to the apartment, load up on pain meds and take a nap. I feel like I have slept WAYYYY to much these days. Don't get me wrong I am grateful to be in a place here I CAN sleep. I know it is helping my body heal, but man it just is NOT in my nature.

Ok, to make up for yesterday, I will write a very long and boring update today. Ok I'll try to keep it not too boring...

Easter was wonderful. A really adorable Easter bunny named Haley brought the boys Easter baskets with some really cool stuff in them. Then an amazing Easter bunny from my radiation group and my Easter bunny oldest sister added to them. Those boys had some amazing loot let me tell you! Then, if that wasn't enough, my dear and sweet neighbor Easter bunny hid eggs in the front yard and the boys had an Easter egg hunt! Then, a wonderful ward member Easter bunny brought us Easter dinner complete with ham and  cupcakes!  We have had quite a few bunnies come 'round this year and we are amazingly grateful to each and every one.  My boys had a wonderful day because of them and ONLY because of them.Thank you Easter bunnies. You know who you are. :)

The move is progressing nicely. Bub and Cary have been slowly but surely taking loads over to the new house and they have most all the big stuff done now. It was really helpful to have Haley take the kids for as many hours as she did! The boys had a blast with her and it kept the little munchkins out from under the workin' men's feet.  The guys still have the family room and appliances, as well as day to day clothes and dishes to take over, but as I said the bulk part is pretty much finished. And I haven't done squat.

Haley and Brian (Haley's boyfriend) took me back to LA and it was nice to be able to spend time with them. They are such amazing kids. I guess Carly Sue is in New York now and Aaron is on his way back to Bakersfield. I always keep a prayer in my heart for them, but when they are far away it seems all that much more important. I just love my family so much.

Ok now to the part as to what they don't tell you about cancer and its treatments and meds... First, the gastric flip flops ~ already wrote about THAT subject, next, I was told I might get a really sore throat from the radiation. How 'bout raw, open wound sore throat where the radiation hits and ONLY where the radiation hits and heartburn that would make a grown man fall down and cry.  Tired, fatigue, nausea, all expected and warned of.

After each infusion I can have NOTHING cold. Even room temp seems to set off  "pins and needles" in my fingers and hands. I get really cold when I take the infusion, and because cold = pain,  I wear gloves and my blanket. I need to warm up even water to drink, but not too hot or it could do more damage, hence no heating pads or electric blankets.  I have found that everything luke-warm is perfect. On top of all that, I get violently ill for about the next 24 to 36 hours and just feel lousy for about the whole next week after the infusions. Zofran doesn't seem to help all that much, so I will be asking about a drug called Emends. Its costly, but other patients swear by it. Of course one patient swears by young coconut milk and active manuka honey, but since those are both just a bit - ok  a LOT costly - and haven't been really tested or studied, I think I'll stick with the tried and true. If I get desperate I might be changing my tune on those...

I also need to watch to make sure my vein doesn't break during the infusion. That is what caused the swelling and pain at the top of my arm from the last one. Pain at the infusion sight and somewhat above it is apparently normal, but not all the way up to my arm pit.

Can not wait to find out what I don't know about the surgery!

Well, the pain is back with a vengeance,  But Cary's dad suggested I sleep in the recliner and that seems to help a lot with the really hurty heartburn.

I am having a wonderful weekend. I totally enjoy my boys (big and little) and it was really nice to see Bub, Cary's dad.  He is here helping take care of the boys as well as packing and cleaning like a madman! My house hasn't ever been so clean. I kept trying to say it hasn't been that clean since before I got sick, but then I stopped fooling myself. It has never been this clean!

Mostly I am being a lazy bum sitting on the couch and they (Cary and Bub) have packed up the guest room, the homework room and believe it or not most of the kitchen - just while I have been here.I am so thankful let me tell you!

I am also so grateful to the ward as well. They have been bringing in meals, making sure our yard stays taken care of and just watching over my sweet family.

I feel very blessed :)

just getting started

First of all , to all those who have the need to make sure they are in the right place, this is Chemistry 101. We will start out by learning that Chemistry is the study of matter. Like physicists, chemists study the fundamental properties of matter and they also explore the interactions between matter and energy.




*snicker*.... I really am evil at heart...




Actually, I am here to help all those who know and love me (blush)  keep up with what is going on as I battle this yucky thing called cancer without calling each and every one of you. Now , don't get me wrong, I would LOVE to visit with each of you and see how everyone was doing , and ask about your kids and and your cats and the job, I really love that kind of stuff. But unfortunately I just can't. (DANG I hate time limitations and lack of energy!....) I will do my best to update this as often as I can, or perhaps even have someone do that for me when I am unable.

Here goes....




In October of 2009, My hubby rushed me to the emergency room when I choked on a mouthful of rice. I never stopped breathing, but I did start throwing up blood. Now, just a hint, if that ever happens, it's NOT a good thing... Lots of tests and 2 months later, I was diagnosed with esophageal cancer . We didn't know the stage yet, so, we went to a Dr Simon Lo with Cedars Sinai. Came back as stage T3 M1 .

Basically what that means is that it has broken through the walls of the esophagus and has entered the lymph nodes. The tumor is too big to operate on right now, but chemo and possibly radiation should shrink that puppy down to size. Once it gets more operable, I will have have the pleasure of having my whole esophagus and the upper portion of my tummy removed... I will spare you the details for now, 'cause it is particularly nasty.

I do have to tell all of you that fasted and prayed for me, I did get the doctors I needed even though the insurance company was being a butt-head about it. (Can I say butt-head on a family blog? Ah well, its MY blog, I can even say "Poop" if I want! .... I'm SUCH a potty mouth).

I do have to give kudos to the staff of Dr. Lo, Dr.Soukiasian AND the medical director of Cedars Sinai! They really went to bat for me and I will be forever grateful for that. The insurance wasn't budging, so by a pure MIRACLE we found a loophole. I am simply changing my primary care physician to one at Cedars!

But I digress. Once I recover from that operation, I will go in for more chemo to get the last traces of this little monster. I understand I will have to learn how to eat again ( fun! ~ sarcasm for those who missed that) , will have a feeding tube for WWWAAAYYY too long, and ...
I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO EAT CHOCOLATE AGAIN IN MY WHOLE LIFE!!!! :(

*sigh... I suppose I can learn to live with that if it means I get to see my babies grow up.

I aint a' lyin' ~ I got a heck of a road ahead of me, but I am actually more worried about my husband and my sweet children.

For those of you locally, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for all you are doing and all you have offered to do. I am working with Cleo Garcia with the French Valley Ward to coordinate the things like meals, rides to the doctor, taking my kids to or from school, babysitting, and even helping my kids with their homework.

Seriously, my dear and wonderful friends, if you are local, please ~ we will need your time. We are trying to split it up into small blocks so that MOST of the sign ups will only take an hour or so. We DO NOT have definite time frames yet, but as soon as we get them, I will post them and make sure Cleo has them as well so she can start filling in all the time slots. Hey, if it's one thing we Mormons are good at , its getting organized on a big ol' scale.

If you are farther away and just REALLY feel the need to help, my sister has set up a website that will help us with everything from moving expenses (yup we gotta move in April) to the extra co-pays and gas we will use. Again to the local friends, your TIME is much more valuable to us.

For right now, Cary's beautiful oldest daughter, Carly is here staying with us. She has been SUCH a God send. She will have to leave the end of March to join her husband in New York, but until then , I am just so happy/grateful/appreciative to have her help (bit of an understatement I might add...).

So that's the story. Now I just want to share a bit of wisdom with all of you...




Please try to remember that now...