Quite a few thing to write about today.

#1 still no PET scan results.

#2 'Nother procedure scheduled for this upcoming Tuesday. I really hope this will be the last one. Not that I don't love balloon animals, or even Dr. Lo and his staff...I'm just sayin'....

#3 Cary and I have made the conscious decision to be the least festive house on the block. We are opting for the "hope that bare Christmas tree that has sat in our living room  for two weeks gets at least ornaments thrown on it" look. It works for us.

#4 If I had a hypothetical friend who was nervous because that hypothetical person thinks I "found out" this person was hypothetically gay, I would have three things to say. Hypothetically.   A-hem...First, I lived in West Hollywood.  My gaydar is as tuned as they come.  I already knew.  Second, I understand the need for discretion in a conservative climate, but if this hypothetical friend thinks for one second I would even care I would be heartbroken. And finally, I would hope that this hypothetical person would finally learn that I pick those I love based on what is in their heart and how amazing they are, not who they choose to spend their life with. 'Nuff said.

#5 Cary and I just celebrated our 12th anniversary together.  We actually CHOSE to watch a sunset together ~ and it was actually romantic!!! How weird was that? We even went on a real date and everything. It.was.awesome. We found an a.mazing Greek restaurant near Ynez and Jefferson in Temecula called, imagine this, The Greek Place.  If you are close you gotta check it out.

#6 still no stitching Delores back in, Ben had the flu the day we went up to LA, so we could not in good conscious ask someone to watch him. Poor baby made the trip with us and waited in the car during the PET scan. I just couldn't ask him to wait several MORE hours while I was in the ER.

#7 Ben had his kindergarten program yesterday. He was WONDERFUL.  We were singing on the way home and he told me I was singing Jingle Bells all wrong. I was supposed to go "one horse SOAPS and SWAYS.". We have been singing it that way ever since. It is much more fun.

#8 Cary and I have finally figured out a cheap labor source to keep our house clean (ish).  We pay the kids wages to do different chores (Oh we are brilliant). Twenty-five cents to unload a dishwasher has never been more worth it. We always used to say we would never pay our kids to do chores because that is part of being a family. We also used to say we would never let the TV babysit our kids. Or allow them to have candy. Or bathe in the same water as the kid before. Or pass a holiday without putting up decorations so our kids would always remember it how festive it was. Or my favorite, never ALLOW our kids to get cavities. Need I go on at this point? We have learned that we should never say never. It is just dangerous. Like throwing down the gauntlet to God.

It fell! I promise!!!!!

The great news is that I am bouncing back pretty good right now. I am feeling the best I have in a long time!!!!! (today)  I have el-zippo zero pain, so that is excellent and the new stitches Dr. Lo put in are holding great. Not to mention he put more of them this time and so far only one has torn through. Not too bad odds I might add.

AND I cleaned my house !!!! OK, just the downstairs, and I didn't mop, but Hey! I cleaned my house!!!! (this statement deserves the extra exclamation points and rotten sentence structure)  Cary even got in the swing of things and shampooed the carpet.

AND I -yes I - cleaned out my fridge!  I asked hubby when the last time he cleaned it out was and he said ~~~~ well ~~~~~~~ maybe it's best just to leave what he said to your imagination. I will only reveal that I think I saw something run for cover behind what I assumed was old feta cheese.

The only bummer part is that I am on a completely liquid diet until my next procedure which is scheduled for 2 days before Thanksgiving. Kinda sucky, but if it increases the chances of this third balloon animal adventure being successful, I'll be thrilllllled.  I am actually looking forward to eating a big salad. Weird huh. Especially since the hubby made the kids brownies tonight for movie night and I am smelling them. The REALLLYYYY weird part? I am happy just to smell them. I have absolutely no desire to eat 'em!

Most of you are now understandably concerned at this point and are starting to pull out your Alien Impostor Detection Kit, but I assure you, I am still me.  At least that is what I keep telling myself....

I really believe that the Good Lord is kind and has kept up the blessing of allowing me to think food is yucky right now. Except salad. I am really hungry for a good salad...

I Am The Humanoid Known As Stacey. Obey Me.

My poor hubby is "jones-ing" SO bad. Anyone who doesn't believe caffeine is addicting, come on by and I will show you some withdrawals baby. Let us just ignore the fact that we (Cary and I) sat down and added up the milligrams of said evil stuff he consumed everyday and it was equal to 13 cups of coffee.

mmm.....How did his arteries keep from exploding again? He has been on survival mode way too long. He is a trooper and would have been willing to go another year if he had to, but luckily he doesn't.  I gotta get back to taking care of my guy, 'cause obviously he doesn't do so good without me.  It's nice to be needed.

(me smiling in a sort of sick perverted satisfied way...I think I really am twisted...)

OK, with me back in the saddle we just have to prioritize stuff.

Here goes...

#1   get Cary off enough energy drinks to fuel a
       nuclear reactor so he doesn't DIE.
#2   clean house
        pick up house
        make it so the bugs won't invade
#3   go through boxes to try to find Halloween decorations
       purchase new decorations for Halloween
       call it good for decorations until Christmas.
#4   make a good healthy dinner for everyone.
       Feed the fam so they will not get scurvy/protein deficiency
       Make sure we have plenty of cereal and milk and bowls.
       (wondering if I can get paper bowls next shopping trip)
#5   get all laundry done and put away
       get all dirty clothes washed
       Pray: "Dear Lord above, just let me have enough
       clean clothes for the next school day".
#6  oh never mind...

I think that's good.

I am proud to announce my house has never been cleaner oh wait never mind. I am ashamed to admit my house has never been ... oh well, you get the idea. BUT on the upside, I DID get the kids to and from school, did laundry ( don't worry there is still plenty left) , did dishes (but you know how dishes are, they multiply when you turn your back even for a second)  made cookies with Ben and EVEN put one of those orange plastic tablecloth Halloween-y things from the dollar store on the table ~ which I promptly melted onto said table when I put said cookies straight from the oven onto it. That melted tablecloth and a big spider sticker are this year's Halloween decorations.... but that is another story....

I got all kids homework and therapies done, listened to various reading levels as kids read to me, practiced multiplication tables and explained how even though the numerals get longer, the number gets smaller when there is a decimal in front of it.

BTW the look of utter confusion was priceless...I finally explained it like this: once you get under the zero, you enter bazarro land... and he got it. Ya gotta know how to talk to kids.... 

AND I even made dinner (OK so it was frozen TV dinners heated in the microwave, but hey, the munchkins got fed...). Got all kids bathed, teeth brushed, and read to.

And dear hubby o' mine has chosen today to go cold turkey off caffeine. He says I am his "sponsor". mmmm.... I don't remember signing up for that, but OK, if it will help him stay healthy. He has been drinking WAYYYY too many Red Bulls lately, so I really do support him in this. Especially, because he has been drinking all these said "energy drinks" so he could stay up to do the single dad thing, take care of his sick wife, try to keep up with the housework, and all while earning a living and keeping a roof over our heads. I think we are BOTH glad that part is ~ for the most part ~ over.

Besides, I also feel kinda guilty for getting after him all these months to go take a shower cause he smelled bad ... and it was me!!!!  Apparently the feeding tube going directly into my small intestine gives off a slightly "poopy" aroma. ~ who knew~...

I can do the sponsor thing.

SOooooo, that is why I might not write every day now. by the time I get all this stuff done, I am pretty pooped...no pun intended.... but it does remind me, I need to go take a shower....

 Here at the new house I kept smelling something really bad up in our bedroom. Well, I finally tracked it down...  Remember what a wonderful Easter my boys had? well, as you may remember the move happened right after that and the Easter stuff got all packed up and shipped off to the new house. Except that some of the Easter baskets still had boiled eggs in them. Yum....

SOMEBODY doesn't like footballers...

Since tomorrow is my last day as a functioning grown up for some time, I am trying like crazy to get my house in order, clean out the fridge, organize stuff for the kids last weeks of school, get laundry done, you know, all the stuff I know will be fine without me, but I am being too anal to ignore. Life seems to be conspiring against me though.

Yesterday little Nathan missed the bus to his field trip  (long story) , so I ended up taking him down to San Diego to catch up with his class. (read: no chores done that morning). Today,  I was DETERMINED to get that fridge cleaned out before my surgery, so I did it while the kids ate their breakfast. After I came home from taking the kids to school, I found that the dog had gotten into the newly filled trash and spread BBQ ribs all over the carpet in both the family room and living room. (I was mad at my doggy BTW)  It took me an hour and a half to scrub that all clean and I STILL haven't  started on my list. *sigh*

Hey at least I got the fridge clean...

ONE MORE TREATMENT!!!! Can someone please start the song "the final countdown"? I think it would be appropriate. If I felt better I would be dancing right now...For now I will content myself in packing up the apartment

On the homefront, I guess Bub is leaving today, and once a.gain, I will not be home to see a person off who has helped our family so much. Bub, thank you so much for all you did and most of all for taking such good care of my babies. Have a safe trip and I promise, we will not come to visit for at least two years... :) Give my love to all those in Vernal.

My sister found this little gem, it kinda fits...

really hurty today, and to make it even better, I have gas something fierce. Just thought you might all like to know that.   I got my treatment done, and then took some pills and promptly went to bed. Ah life in the fast lane here in L.A.!   It has been a huge help to have my sister Cindi here. She gets to hear me burp a lot.

At home, Cary and Bub worked thier butts off to get the new house habitable for me to come home to. A lovely couple Cary met though work came over and helped as well. Thanks Stewart and Deb! Poor Cary would have been lost without you!

I was just so tickled to see my boys. I miss them so much when I am gone. They totally loved being on spring break and I am so happy this move happened now instead of during school. It was adventure for them instead of a stress. We won't talk about Cary and his stress levels bless his heart.

Because the brain is not working today and I worry I might divulge some deep dark bad hair day secret, I might have to make this one a short one today.  woops. too late...

Ok, to make up for yesterday, I will write a very long and boring update today. Ok I'll try to keep it not too boring...

Easter was wonderful. A really adorable Easter bunny named Haley brought the boys Easter baskets with some really cool stuff in them. Then an amazing Easter bunny from my radiation group and my Easter bunny oldest sister added to them. Those boys had some amazing loot let me tell you! Then, if that wasn't enough, my dear and sweet neighbor Easter bunny hid eggs in the front yard and the boys had an Easter egg hunt! Then, a wonderful ward member Easter bunny brought us Easter dinner complete with ham and  cupcakes!  We have had quite a few bunnies come 'round this year and we are amazingly grateful to each and every one.  My boys had a wonderful day because of them and ONLY because of them.Thank you Easter bunnies. You know who you are. :)

The move is progressing nicely. Bub and Cary have been slowly but surely taking loads over to the new house and they have most all the big stuff done now. It was really helpful to have Haley take the kids for as many hours as she did! The boys had a blast with her and it kept the little munchkins out from under the workin' men's feet.  The guys still have the family room and appliances, as well as day to day clothes and dishes to take over, but as I said the bulk part is pretty much finished. And I haven't done squat.

Haley and Brian (Haley's boyfriend) took me back to LA and it was nice to be able to spend time with them. They are such amazing kids. I guess Carly Sue is in New York now and Aaron is on his way back to Bakersfield. I always keep a prayer in my heart for them, but when they are far away it seems all that much more important. I just love my family so much.

Ok now to the part as to what they don't tell you about cancer and its treatments and meds... First, the gastric flip flops ~ already wrote about THAT subject, next, I was told I might get a really sore throat from the radiation. How 'bout raw, open wound sore throat where the radiation hits and ONLY where the radiation hits and heartburn that would make a grown man fall down and cry.  Tired, fatigue, nausea, all expected and warned of.

After each infusion I can have NOTHING cold. Even room temp seems to set off  "pins and needles" in my fingers and hands. I get really cold when I take the infusion, and because cold = pain,  I wear gloves and my blanket. I need to warm up even water to drink, but not too hot or it could do more damage, hence no heating pads or electric blankets.  I have found that everything luke-warm is perfect. On top of all that, I get violently ill for about the next 24 to 36 hours and just feel lousy for about the whole next week after the infusions. Zofran doesn't seem to help all that much, so I will be asking about a drug called Emends. Its costly, but other patients swear by it. Of course one patient swears by young coconut milk and active manuka honey, but since those are both just a bit - ok  a LOT costly - and haven't been really tested or studied, I think I'll stick with the tried and true. If I get desperate I might be changing my tune on those...

I also need to watch to make sure my vein doesn't break during the infusion. That is what caused the swelling and pain at the top of my arm from the last one. Pain at the infusion sight and somewhat above it is apparently normal, but not all the way up to my arm pit.

Can not wait to find out what I don't know about the surgery!

Well, the pain is back with a vengeance,  But Cary's dad suggested I sleep in the recliner and that seems to help a lot with the really hurty heartburn.

I am having a wonderful weekend. I totally enjoy my boys (big and little) and it was really nice to see Bub, Cary's dad.  He is here helping take care of the boys as well as packing and cleaning like a madman! My house hasn't ever been so clean. I kept trying to say it hasn't been that clean since before I got sick, but then I stopped fooling myself. It has never been this clean!

Mostly I am being a lazy bum sitting on the couch and they (Cary and Bub) have packed up the guest room, the homework room and believe it or not most of the kitchen - just while I have been here.I am so thankful let me tell you!

I am also so grateful to the ward as well. They have been bringing in meals, making sure our yard stays taken care of and just watching over my sweet family.

I feel very blessed :)

home and here

First, on the home front, Bub, Cary's dad came up  last week end to help with the boys and such. I guess the very first night he was there the boys got soda! Since we RARELY let them have it, they were in 7th heaven. I guess he made a pot of spaghetti too and Ben ate so much his little round belly looked like one of those starving kids in Ethiopia!  
Tomorrow is the day Daniels book report is due, so I went to the library a couple days ago, got a copy of the book he needed to finish reading and we read it together over the phone. It was just a tiny taste of home for me, and he got his book read!

On to LA: I wrote this on my facebook page,

Dear Person who Lives on the Corner of San Vicente and Sherboure in LA,
Thank you SO much for your beautiful yard! I look forward to passing it each time I walk to and from the hospital. It smells amazing!
love, me.

The walk to the hospital is really beautiful and I just LOVE that fore mentioned house. It has a purple wrought iron fence with flowers just streaming down it. It is smothered in trees and greenery, so much so that the color of the house and indeed almost the house itself is nearly undecernable! It is truly breath taking.
I also get to walk past the Museum of Modern Art, the Sheriff's station, the library, a park, a community swimming pool and if I veer off to the side a bit, a community garden. Oh, and Jerry's World Famous Deli. I haven't been able to eat there yet, but it is supposed to be - well - world famous. Something else to look forward to I guess...

Nowhere did I see any keep off the grass signs, which is very friendly. I have just casually noticed that even when "keep off the grass" signs try to be nice, or witty - they just come off sounding ~ well ~ judge for yourself...

SO MUCH TO DO .... and so little energy...

6
Gotta get all packed up to go to LA on Tues night. I also just want to get everything in order as much as possible before I leave for the next 5 1/2 weeks. I know I will be home on weekends ( knock on wood) but I most likely will have even less energy than I do now.  And the great part is that when I am all done with that wonderful and fun experience of chemo and radiation, and I come home, it will be time for us to move. (sigh)

We still don't know where we will be moving to yet, we are still looking , but I am SURE it will be smaller than the place we live in now.  Sooo.....I need to be almost cruel about culling through all my junk. If we haven't used it in a year- its gone. Cary was thrilled to see an old ugly house dress of mine bit the dust~ but  not before Ben put it on Grecian style and started to sing "all the single ladies" to wake up his brothers this morning, all the while trying to dance on their beds.  I just loved that.

I just finished going over the schedule for once I am up in LA and Miss Carly has left for New York. I decided I must be borderline OCD ( the one that doesn't involve the clean part) . I wrote out all sorts of instructions that I really think won't matter a bit if they are strictly adhered to or not... I suppose it was just to make ME feel better.

Today I thought I would post more specific instructions for my readers... follow them to the letter, and don't get lost this time!

If you do , it's not my fault...

just tired

4
nothing new today, just really tired. I am starting to slowly but surely get things packed. Don't expect to come into my house and see a whole bunch of boxes all taped up and ready to go~ I just did the little boys books today. Carly has been working on boxing up all the "extras" like CDs and DVDs we haven't watched in like 8 years as well as helping me with the boys. I think we are wearing that poor girl out!

before I go, I wanted to make sure you all knew what to do if you encounter a mountain lion... You NEVER know....

 OK, all of you who kinda of snickered, vs all of you that said  "ewwwwwww..... " - let see a show of hands....