I felt awesome today. A bit tired by the end of the day, but another day with NO owies.  How cool is that?! If this keeps up, I will be back to my old self in no time. Except hopefully skinnier.

Only I really would NOT recommend the diet plan. Or the "involuntary lap band" as my hubby calls my esophagectomy.

Favorite quote from Halloween, but first some back story...

Jonah will not eat anything he is not familiar with without a big ordeal of doing the whole "thank you bite" thing, and even then it is a big deal. Most moms are Totally. Familiar. with the thank you bite, but for those of you who aren't, it is basically a statement that says if mom went to the trouble of making you food the least you can do is take a bite to say thank you.  And if that doesn't work, we go to the no dessert thing. Except I haven't made dessert in a dogs age, so that really doesn't work unless we've got something to back it up.

These are great ways to get kids rooted in hating ANY type of  change to try something they might like. Obedience by guilt and bribery.  Works for me.

Anywhoo, Last night the kids went to the church's trunk or treat (like trick or treating, but people give out candy from the trunks of their decorated cars). I wasn't gonna INSIST my kid get more cavities, so I did not object when Jonah gave his dad all the candy he had not seen or tasted before.

Cary grinningly commented: "Sometimes I like autism."

Just an administrative apology to those who get email updates when I post. Um, I am kinda new to this blogging thing. I am definitely one of those that go kicking and screaming into new technology, but once I'm there I love it. To make a long story short, I have been editing and updating everything from adding or removing punctuation to ~~~~ wait for it~~~~ I JUST FIGURES OUT HOW TO USE LABELS!!! 

Buuuuutttttt, what that means is every time I hit update, you would get another thing in your mailbox to annoy the crap out of you.  so. sorry.

I now have learned how to do a lot of this from , imagine this, the blog management page.  ummmm again, I. am. sorry. bout that.

LOOK OVER THERE!!!    ==========>

The great news is that I am bouncing back pretty good right now. I am feeling the best I have in a long time!!!!! (today)  I have el-zippo zero pain, so that is excellent and the new stitches Dr. Lo put in are holding great. Not to mention he put more of them this time and so far only one has torn through. Not too bad odds I might add.

AND I cleaned my house !!!! OK, just the downstairs, and I didn't mop, but Hey! I cleaned my house!!!! (this statement deserves the extra exclamation points and rotten sentence structure)  Cary even got in the swing of things and shampooed the carpet.

AND I -yes I - cleaned out my fridge!  I asked hubby when the last time he cleaned it out was and he said ~~~~ well ~~~~~~~ maybe it's best just to leave what he said to your imagination. I will only reveal that I think I saw something run for cover behind what I assumed was old feta cheese.

The only bummer part is that I am on a completely liquid diet until my next procedure which is scheduled for 2 days before Thanksgiving. Kinda sucky, but if it increases the chances of this third balloon animal adventure being successful, I'll be thrilllllled.  I am actually looking forward to eating a big salad. Weird huh. Especially since the hubby made the kids brownies tonight for movie night and I am smelling them. The REALLLYYYY weird part? I am happy just to smell them. I have absolutely no desire to eat 'em!

Most of you are now understandably concerned at this point and are starting to pull out your Alien Impostor Detection Kit, but I assure you, I am still me.  At least that is what I keep telling myself....

I really believe that the Good Lord is kind and has kept up the blessing of allowing me to think food is yucky right now. Except salad. I am really hungry for a good salad...

I Am The Humanoid Known As Stacey. Obey Me.

*sigh... it looks like MORE balloon animals are in my future. The dilation that was just  done was only marginally successful. The doctor was only able to get it about a half of a millimeter bigger. He took out more staples and stretched it as much as he dared, but he said it was starting to tear too much (read bleeding) so he stopped. He is the best at what he does, so I trust him, but oh man I am just a bit disappointed. I have the next one scheduled for the Tues before Thanksgiving, which means I will be on a clear liquids diet for said holiday. Apple juice anyone? :)

Right now I feel a bit gassy.... Now I know what a baby feels like when new parents insist it is not a smile ~ just gas ~ which if you think about it would explain A LOT of my pictures...

I am writing two posts today. This one is a bit different.

Look at this beautiful thing. 

It was entered into a contest sponsored by Nikon and won
11th place.

I hate it. I mean REALLY hate it. But I can't look away at the same time. It is a picture of 2 cancer cells getting ready to turn into 4.

What I WISH it was...  I wish it was a pic of some really cool (harmless) crystalline life form that only Spock could talk to. I wish there was no such thing except in some Trekkies wish list from an online auction he/she could never afford.

I am especially frustrated about this today because of a blog.  A blog I don't normally read, but the author of stark. raving. mad. mommy which is a blog I DO read and is in fact posted as one of my favorites, guest blogged.

This blogger (not SRMM ~  the Pajamas and Coffee one) swears a whole lot more than I do, so I keep it as a guilty little secret I visit when I think no one is looking. I read SRMM, on the other hand, all the time. She is my morning fix.  She doesn't know me from Adam. But I pretend to know her because I get her. And she is funnier than h-e- double toothpick. But today I wanted to punch a wall over something she wrote. Today she wrote about finding a lump in her breast. Yeah, it may be a cyst, but I remember that waiting. The wondering. That worry. I SO do not envy her in this stage.

I have listened, prayed, and cried as SO many wonderful people have been affected by this horrible disease. So many I love. Every time it brings back that horrid day when I first found out.

The doctor had told me I needed to come in as soon as possible about the results of all the testing I had been doing. It was SUCH a busy and hectic day, so I asked if my hubby should come in with me. They actually told me that it was my choice. This is the thought that ran through my brain.

"Well it must not be too bad, just heartburn crap and how to treat it, SO relieved it isn't anything serious...  soooo... I'll just add it to my list of stuff to get done today and let the hubby get his honey-do list done. Glad all that worrying crap is over."

BAD mistake. She sat me down in that freaking FREEZING examination room and basically told me I not only have cancer, but I have a kind I should never have. A kind that affects smokers, drinkers, and men over 65.  A particularly aggressive and nasty kind where the mortality rate hovers around 80 to 85 percent within the first year. I later found out those were the really overly optimistic numbers.

I think I kept it together until I got out to the parking lot. I sobbed, I mean really sobbed, for over an hour. Then I had to drive home. Alone. My husband stayed on the phone with me -and yes honey I did hear you swearing under your breath at the doctor for not INSISTING someone ANYONE come in with me - and I yes I heard you swearing at yourself for not going no matter what you stubborn wifey-poo said. And yes, I did swear at myself for not listening to you.  And yes I am grateful you were by my side at every major appointment after that and even most of the not so major ones.

On that long drive home ( it was really only about 10 miles, but it seemed more like 10 thousand), I dryly observed that my sobs sounded a lot like my deep belly laughs - only upside down. I think that was when I determined I was NOT going to let this monster beat me.

And I haven't. So far, with Gods help, I have defied all the odds, in fact I think I made my own odds up as I went. It made me happier. It's a good thing I didn't see the documentary Crazy Sexy Cancer BEFORE  did all my treatments, or the hubby might have seen some weird stuff going on.

As it ended up , yes I have pain in the butt crap  -like that rouge feeding tube- but nothing that is life threatening anymore. Once in awhile I do get scared about remission, but I can't let that rule my life. I go forward now,  grateful for every second, even the hard ones. Belly-aching, pain, annoyances - they all mean I am alive. And I will never take that for granted again.

Belly- aching...

I rrrripped my stitches AGAIN. And as I explained to my friends on Facebook, when I say ripped my stitches, I mean ripped the flesh that holds said stitches so the perfectly intact little loops can just flop freely around my belly.

I called to see a local doctor to get these dang (don't think I used THAT word when I first described it) stitches put in yet another section of undamaged skin. ( I did NOT want to go to the ER again) Since I am running out of said undamaged skin, he suggested I wait until I go in on Monday for my new dilation where they can take nice deep jabs at me stitches while I am unconscious. Frankly I think he was being a woose. If I can put up with the damn thing tearing (and yes I said damn) then he can pull out a needle.  SO right now I have taped up my belly so much I think I have invented myself a bulletproof belly vest (hmmm *wondering to self if I could market that to law enforcement for some much needed cash...).

In a nutshell, what that means is I really can't bend, twist, lift, lay on my left side, or basically do anything I have been so proud of doing these last few weeks.   Well, I COULD, but I would run the risk of  popping my major means of nutrition out and that would be serious.  Apparently if the dag-nabbed thing comes out ya need to get it back in immediately cause it has formed a "channel" and that channel will close in on itself unless it is reinserted immediately, which DOES take an emergency room. If said channel does end up closing it would take a whole new level of owies to get it back in, and frankly I really want to skip that part.

So for right now I am a vegetable. A very bored, and very frustrated veggie. Like cauliflower. Only with more cellulite.

My poor hubby is "jones-ing" SO bad. Anyone who doesn't believe caffeine is addicting, come on by and I will show you some withdrawals baby. Let us just ignore the fact that we (Cary and I) sat down and added up the milligrams of said evil stuff he consumed everyday and it was equal to 13 cups of coffee.

mmm.....How did his arteries keep from exploding again? He has been on survival mode way too long. He is a trooper and would have been willing to go another year if he had to, but luckily he doesn't.  I gotta get back to taking care of my guy, 'cause obviously he doesn't do so good without me.  It's nice to be needed.

(me smiling in a sort of sick perverted satisfied way...I think I really am twisted...)

OK, with me back in the saddle we just have to prioritize stuff.

Here goes...

#1   get Cary off enough energy drinks to fuel a
       nuclear reactor so he doesn't DIE.
#2   clean house
        pick up house
        make it so the bugs won't invade
#3   go through boxes to try to find Halloween decorations
       purchase new decorations for Halloween
       call it good for decorations until Christmas.
#4   make a good healthy dinner for everyone.
       Feed the fam so they will not get scurvy/protein deficiency
       Make sure we have plenty of cereal and milk and bowls.
       (wondering if I can get paper bowls next shopping trip)
#5   get all laundry done and put away
       get all dirty clothes washed
       Pray: "Dear Lord above, just let me have enough
       clean clothes for the next school day".
#6  oh never mind...

I think that's good.

I am proud to announce my house has never been cleaner oh wait never mind. I am ashamed to admit my house has never been ... oh well, you get the idea. BUT on the upside, I DID get the kids to and from school, did laundry ( don't worry there is still plenty left) , did dishes (but you know how dishes are, they multiply when you turn your back even for a second)  made cookies with Ben and EVEN put one of those orange plastic tablecloth Halloween-y things from the dollar store on the table ~ which I promptly melted onto said table when I put said cookies straight from the oven onto it. That melted tablecloth and a big spider sticker are this year's Halloween decorations.... but that is another story....

I got all kids homework and therapies done, listened to various reading levels as kids read to me, practiced multiplication tables and explained how even though the numerals get longer, the number gets smaller when there is a decimal in front of it.

BTW the look of utter confusion was priceless...I finally explained it like this: once you get under the zero, you enter bazarro land... and he got it. Ya gotta know how to talk to kids.... 

AND I even made dinner (OK so it was frozen TV dinners heated in the microwave, but hey, the munchkins got fed...). Got all kids bathed, teeth brushed, and read to.

And dear hubby o' mine has chosen today to go cold turkey off caffeine. He says I am his "sponsor". mmmm.... I don't remember signing up for that, but OK, if it will help him stay healthy. He has been drinking WAYYYY too many Red Bulls lately, so I really do support him in this. Especially, because he has been drinking all these said "energy drinks" so he could stay up to do the single dad thing, take care of his sick wife, try to keep up with the housework, and all while earning a living and keeping a roof over our heads. I think we are BOTH glad that part is ~ for the most part ~ over.

Besides, I also feel kinda guilty for getting after him all these months to go take a shower cause he smelled bad ... and it was me!!!!  Apparently the feeding tube going directly into my small intestine gives off a slightly "poopy" aroma. ~ who knew~...

I can do the sponsor thing.

SOooooo, that is why I might not write every day now. by the time I get all this stuff done, I am pretty pooped...no pun intended.... but it does remind me, I need to go take a shower....

so...... the dilation went O.K., but I gotta do it again.

Good news: no sign of cancer HOORAY!

Also, he stitched my feeding tube back in (the stitch from the Monday ER trip kept slipping, making me feel a bit like a trombone). He pulled it out a bit more out than I am used to , so I have about 5 inches of feeding tube hanging that I need to tape up now. Not sure why he did that, but oh well, at least it ain't moving! 

Bad news, but really not so bad: scar tissue built up so much that the surgical staples were actually touching, creating a web across the 1/2 centimeter opening. Dr. Simeon Lo removed a few of  the staples and dilated my stomophagus to about 1 centimeter. He wants to get it to 1.5 centimeters, hence having to do it again.

right now I am sore and a bit tired, but hunky dory. Hey, I've been through A LOT worse. I can deal with more balloon animals...


p.s.  as per the Explanation of Benefits, my insurance company loves to send out, they have well exceeded a million dollars (yes that is the one with the six  0's after the 1)  in pay outs for my medical care. I suddenly understand why they were so keen on trying to get me to settle on "adequate" care...

SO...... tomorrow is the big day. I go in for the long anticipated dilation! woo. hooo. I am excited and just a little nervous. I know of all the stuff I have been through, this is easy peasy stuff. I don't know why I should be nervous at all. Just a simple endoscope where they will play with balloon animals in my stomophagus.  Well ~ either that or just inflate a balloon to stretch it to make it so I can swallow.

I wonder if they will let me choose...

Miss Haley bug will be coming to watch the boys for us, so I know they are in good hands. She is such a sweetheart and the boys just think the world of her. Oh wait. So do I.

moving sucks. but on the bright side, my sister just had a baby boy and I am thrilled for her :).

I am flying kites today with my boys! Thank you Miss Sheri. I love you tons!!!!

I may hate ERs and all that comes with them, but once in awhile they can be kinda amusing in a sick, twisted sort of way.

I went in yesterday to have my feeding tube stitched back in - Note to self and anyone else - NEVER go to the ER on a rainy Monday morning. First it took us 3 hours to get there (apparently people in LA panic when they see rain). Then we waited 5 hours in the waiting room to be seen. I wasn't concerned about that, I was far from critical and understood I was on the bottom of the totem pole.

But on to the fun part. I had read every magazine in the place (all 4 of them), read the paper, and was just basically bored out of my skull when a guy about three seats down said ~ out of the blue, "My son was shot down in Vietnam". I immediately went into "oh poor guy mode" and glanced up at him. He looked about 30 or 35. Hmmm. I was trying to ponder on this and do the math in my head, just cause I was bored,  when he said,  "Yeah he won the Medal of Honor". In a very crowded ER, NO one spoke.

I will now give a few choice quotes from this obviously VERY intoxicated young man, and in the order they were given. Keep in mind a couple of things:

1. he was never confrontational, just a nice guy who smelled bad and had had a few too many.
and
2.  ~ no one was speaking to him. 

" I wanna talk to Jesus. Wasn't he Jewish?"

" I got a lot of daughters, they are all Republican thank God."

"I NEVER SAID I was God!  I already met him, he sent me back to save all your souls".

"I'm still going steady with John Bonham"

" hmmm, Bill Gates... never mind I'm not allowed to talk outside of school".

"Whatever happened to Led Zepplin? He's my uncle".

" Here's my vote... Here's my vision...King Arthur... BOOORING."

"I'm jewish you know"

"Everybody's accusing me of being white. I'm not you know, I'm olive."

" I'm only here on business ya know"

To everyone who came in he said loudly, " I saved a seat for ya!"

"They treat me like gold here " (this was right after he got in trouble for picking the flowers in the planters)

When the volunteer, nurse or registration people would call out any name, He would stand up and yell, "THAT'S ME!". The security guard escorted him to the triage area after that, where his vitals were taken and he was escorted, very kindly, out.

He then ran back in , threw the flowers he had picked down on the floor and ran back out.

He snuck back in later and actually told the triage nurse he was having heart pains so he got his little bracelet and was told to wait. He still said some pretty wild and funny things, but by that time, he had found someone real to talk to ~ so Cary and I , we played hangman.

Thank you drunk guy for making a five hour wait much more enjoyable and yes I know I am a sick sick twisted person for enjoying that so much...

 Boring.....

  Not so boring....

Ok,
1. Still working on the kids school thing, but it is looking like we gotta move.

2. Almost finished straightening out the checking account mess.

3. Tore my last stitch holding my feeding tube in. Gotta run to the ER as soon as we drop of kids.

4. Today is picture day at school.

This has been, Update In a Flash...brought to you by crazy moms everywhere....