tired and kinda beat up today but I did get laundry and housekeeping done. Not that either of those are hard with just me in the apartment. The boys left fingerprints all over every mirror when they were here on Monday. I didn't clean those up. I just smile when I see them and feel closer to my babies. I think I mopped the floor today just because I was bored, not because it needed it. I do wish I had the carpet cleaner here though. Man I must be really desperate! Maybe I can get out of here tomorrow and go for a walk before I take my vicodin...

I am such a dim bulb sometimes.... I packed the camera this week so I could take a few pics of the neighborhood, the house with the flowers, all that, and my sweet hubby reminded me to make sure I charge and pack the battery. Well, I charged it....

Saw the Oncologist yesterday and the Radiologist today. As far as my treatment and progress goes I was told today that I am "perfect". (a- hem pardon me while I blush).

Well, on the home front I had a lovely weekend, and my arms feel all empty now that I am back in LA. Since it is spring break my boys got to come with their dad to drop me off. They got to see where I as staying and were SO well behaved when I took them down to see the koi pond!  Maybe now Ben will stop telling people I am dead.

The boys are all sick now, and poor Daniel even has a nasty fever. I just told Cary to watch out for rashes as Ben just got over scarlet fever.

Cary and Bub gave the 3 little the boys hair cuts, I am anxious to see how they turned out.

My owies been keeping me awake at nights and since I am at the max of every medication I can take to help with the stomach acid,  the doc prescribed me the good stuff. Actually I opted for Vicadin instead of bigger stuff because I knew I would most likely REALLY need it after the surgery. It still makes me plenty loopy. Cary has warned me not to take it and go walking. I wonder if that is a problem here... Walking Under the Influence...made me kinda wonder if this sign is really real or just some one else who needs to be issued a W.U.I.

Well, the pain is back with a vengeance,  But Cary's dad suggested I sleep in the recliner and that seems to help a lot with the really hurty heartburn.

I am having a wonderful weekend. I totally enjoy my boys (big and little) and it was really nice to see Bub, Cary's dad.  He is here helping take care of the boys as well as packing and cleaning like a madman! My house hasn't ever been so clean. I kept trying to say it hasn't been that clean since before I got sick, but then I stopped fooling myself. It has never been this clean!

Mostly I am being a lazy bum sitting on the couch and they (Cary and Bub) have packed up the guest room, the homework room and believe it or not most of the kitchen - just while I have been here.I am so thankful let me tell you!

I am also so grateful to the ward as well. They have been bringing in meals, making sure our yard stays taken care of and just watching over my sweet family.

I feel very blessed :)

Well, at least I had a couple of good days where I was almost eating normal food. I can still eat really runny eggs, but the rest is back to soups and purees. *sigh*, it was nice while it lasted.I guess I will just bring that gingerbread I made home to the boys.

think I'll muster enough energy to go for a walk up to the store. just cant wait until Friday to see my boys...

Got laundry and basic housekeeping done today. Feeling pretty good, but I think the radiation is finally making my throat swell. Not a big deal, and I can still eat semi solid foods, just kinda have to slow it back down a bit to a bit softer and squishier foods.

so tired tonight. Think my dyslexia is kicking in...

home and here

First, on the home front, Bub, Cary's dad came up  last week end to help with the boys and such. I guess the very first night he was there the boys got soda! Since we RARELY let them have it, they were in 7th heaven. I guess he made a pot of spaghetti too and Ben ate so much his little round belly looked like one of those starving kids in Ethiopia!  
Tomorrow is the day Daniels book report is due, so I went to the library a couple days ago, got a copy of the book he needed to finish reading and we read it together over the phone. It was just a tiny taste of home for me, and he got his book read!

On to LA: I wrote this on my facebook page,

Dear Person who Lives on the Corner of San Vicente and Sherboure in LA,
Thank you SO much for your beautiful yard! I look forward to passing it each time I walk to and from the hospital. It smells amazing!
love, me.

The walk to the hospital is really beautiful and I just LOVE that fore mentioned house. It has a purple wrought iron fence with flowers just streaming down it. It is smothered in trees and greenery, so much so that the color of the house and indeed almost the house itself is nearly undecernable! It is truly breath taking.
I also get to walk past the Museum of Modern Art, the Sheriff's station, the library, a park, a community swimming pool and if I veer off to the side a bit, a community garden. Oh, and Jerry's World Famous Deli. I haven't been able to eat there yet, but it is supposed to be - well - world famous. Something else to look forward to I guess...

Nowhere did I see any keep off the grass signs, which is very friendly. I have just casually noticed that even when "keep off the grass" signs try to be nice, or witty - they just come off sounding ~ well ~ judge for yourself...

air freshener anyone?

Well, great news, I ate ravioli today - and not the ground up baby food kind! WOOO HOOOO!!!! That was the first time since October I have been able to eat anything solid like that - so SOMETHING has to be working! I don't have high enough numbers yet for my white blood cells to have another infusion yet, doc says probably another 2 weeks. I will not argue with him...

Now, as far as what my body is doing, - skip this part if you have delicate constitutions or will roll convulsively on the floor laughing at crude humor... it is vacillating wildly from constipation to diarrhea and I get tired really easy, but gas on my belly is the only pain I am feeling now! That is also a very good sign. The no pain thing not the gas. That is actually pretty stinky. I'm kinda glad I live alone for the big ones... Well you all SAID you wanted to know how I was doing!

I was a bit down in the mouth yesterday, so I didn't write anything for the blog. I was just having a nice pity party, missing my boys and my hubby, missing my dog and my bed (Hmmmm I should turn that into a country western song.... ). All I got done was unpack my stuff and take a shower. I didn't leave the apt all day, just sulking and feeling very sorry for myself.

Today I woke up and still wanted to do the same, but I knew it just was terrible to do when I have SO many blessing coming my way. I missed going to church a lot today, as I really felt I needed the uplift-ment it has to offer,  but I did read my scriptures and thought about the incredible gifts God has given me.

I have just an amazing close and extended family, my friends are dear to my heart, I have more prayers coming my way than I could even count, I swear I can actually feel the tumor is shrinking, I am in a safe and beautiful area to receive this treatment, my doctors and nurses are among the best in the entire WORLD, my boys are well taken care of, and I just needed to get off my tushy and be grateful. With those ponderings, I felt it was really necessary to apologize to my Heavenly Father.  After that,  it was just impossible to stay down in the mouth.

Thank you again my dear family and friends, for all your prayers. I really am thankful for them.

I got out of bed, got dressed, and went for a walk to explore the neighborhood. I am so glad I did. I got to see the LA marathon runners go right by me! I also got to see many cute shops and restaurants as well. I found the local post office and grocery store and even found a couple good short cuts to the hospital.  It is only about a 15 to 20 minute walk to the cancer center, so if I am at all feeling up to it, I want to walk as much as I can. Even if I had a car around here, parking is just terrible, so I would probably end up walking still!

tired, but its all good

Cary came up to help me move from the hotel into the apartment. I really really needed him and am SO thankful he came up to help. I was not feeling well all morning,  it was nice just to lay there like a lump and have hubby do it all. I kinda felt bad, as all the trips we have ever taken before this, I was in charge of packing. He was an absolute trooper though and handled it like a pro. I didn't lift a finger.

I am missing my little ones like crazy right now and since Ben had scarlet fever and I didn't do so hot with that silly infusion thing, I can't come home this week. I am holding up, as are my boys, but man I miss them and they are having a rough time as well. I won't be able to see Carly off either, which kinda stinks, considering how much she has done for me and our family. From the bottom of my heart my sweet Carly, I thank you. ( that just doesn't seem to even come close to covering it does it?)

The apartment is just lovely. It is on the third floor of a gated Mediterranean style villa, and overlooks a very nice pool.  It is right off Santa Monica Blvd in the hills of West Hollywood. I am just  SO grateful to be in a nice, comfortable and SAFE place during all this.  I have to catch myself all the time when I think thoughts of "Oh the kids would just love this!" No kids allowed. :(   I told Nathan that and he was dumbfounded. He asked " But WHY would here be a place that doesn't allow kids?!"  I replied that I had  NO idea because kids bring the joy into an otherwise boring place!

Case and point, the other day Nathan was CONVINCED Carly's dog Grrr was a robot dog impostor that had stolen Carly's phone.  He kept poking this poor dog with a stick until it was finally revealed that Nathan had been the last one to play with said phone and it and it had fallen under the couch cushions.... Now I ask you, where can you EVER find that in a world without kids?!

I ate solid food today! ( well, sort of. It was really overcooked Ramen noodles. I was so happy I could just have danced all over the room - if I hadn't worried about the nausea thing coming back. That means the tumor is shrinking already! And BEFORE my esophagus swells from the radiation! WOOO HOOO, the chances of me not having to get a portacath or a feeding tube just jumped through the roof!

At radiation today, the group was talking about how fast radiation seems to go once you get started on it. I don't know about that one yet. It seems like I have been away from my boys forever  and a day and it has only been a week and a half. I miss them so much. I just comfort myself in knowing that once I get better they will have to PRY me away from my boys at their mission farewells/college send offs/weddings.

To my 10 year old~don't worry dear, I will hang around you so much you will beg me to PLEASE stop  LONG before you reach your 16th birthday - watch and see!  I do love and miss you my son. Now go do your homework! ( OK, maybe not so secret of a message, but I gave you a message! : D  ) I love you!

 daniel and his mommy when he was 3 years old

6 down 22 more to go

Sixth radiation treatment today. It was nicer because hubby came up to see me. poor guy, he is asleep right now as he hadn't slept in 20 something hours. Its just nice to hear him snoring. I'm some sort of a weirdo I know, but I miss that. 

I am feeling relatively better today, still a bit sick, but at least I am keeping my lunch where it aught to be... Too bad I gotta dose myself up again on about an hour with more chem. Can I just say blech?!

I had to laugh at Cary today, he got to meet all the people I hang out with each morning in radiation. Handlebar mustache guy told hubby to make sure I have that smile cause I seemed to have misplaced it yesterday. Cary didn't miss a beat and said, "Oh I know right where it went. She put it in the toilet with the rest of her breakfast.".

How true, how true :)

On the home front, sweet little Carly told me that a leprechaun turned the boys milk green this morning and the three younger ones spent all morning looking for "the tricky little guy". She also made them green cupcakes for lunch. Can I just say - yet again ~ how much I love that little girl!? It is SUCH a huge comfort to know my boys are healthy and happy. Every time I call to talk to them I hear all the wonderful chaotic sounds a house with four boys and a dog can offer. I love it.

what doesnt kill ya....

9
What was that saying, what doesn't kill ya will cure ya, or was that the other way around? I had my first chemo infusion yesterday. Everything was fine until after the infusion was nearly over.  Then, So so so not fun. The toilet and my face were re-acquainted, my arm is STILL tender from where it swelled all up, and ..."SNAP!!!"   OWWW!!!!...(that was that complaint button I told you about....)

Hey I was very proud of myself that I hadn't lost any weight (Whoa that STILL too  is freaky to me) AND I only took a cab once today to the hospital when I felt REALLY lousy - the rest of the time, I walked! I am really trying hard to do everything the doctors order, but with the nausea it is getting kinda hard. I am sticking to it though.

I am making all sorts of friends at the cancer center. Most of the patients there are just struggling through this like I am, but it is nice to know we are not alone. One sweet gentleman that has a great waxed handlebar mustache, has a wonderful full voice, and sings his answered to the nurses, asked where that big smile from last week went. When I told him I just had my first infusion , everyone there just understood. I showed him a pic of my boys and he showed me pics of his grand kids.

I brought big pics of all the kids and put them on my desk to help keep me motivated to do what I am supposed to, even when all I want to do is curl up in a ball and cry. Luckily, I  haven't done that yet. (Hey, I STILL might just do that, I am just saving it til the right time...)

Somehow, this just seemed to fit today...

wonderful being with the boys

I am SO proud of myself! Ok, so I didn't get everything done that I wanted to, but I did get a good portion of it and I helped Nathan put together his roller coaster! It is one of those K'nex ones that has about a kajillion pieces. All the boys started out helping, but quickly got bored and left one by one until it was just me and Daniel. To tell you the truth, that was really ok. A kajillion pieces and mischievous little bored boys do NOT mix. I have had such fun watching them play with the finished project though.

I was tired this weekend and moved slowly, but I wasn't in a lot of pain and I wasn't all that nauseous (relatively)!
 Gotta run, my ride to LA will be here any minute. Love you all!

short one today

 I got a lot accomplished...again, by my standards I should say.  Daniel and I packed up the toy room. I started out by having all the boys help, but several fights and a bloody scratch later, I decided it was best to keep it simple. I also was able to get some errands done (with Cary's help of course) AND I packed up the hall closet. I am SO ready for bed tonight and I think Carly was right. I think I pushed just a little too hard today. I am ever so sick tonight. BAD Stacey BAD! I just have to make sure I know what my priorities are. I think I misplaced them today. I am trying to figure the whole thing out and have decided that enjoying my boys has to take precedence while I am home. I just stress because Cary has so much on his plate and I desperately want to relieve him of at least some small part. Decisions, decisions...

home today!

3-8
I am not sure if they realize the significance of it, but the two orderlies that work in radiation are named Tom and Jerry. ~ And the really funny part? Tom has gray hair...I have to try really hard not to giggle imagining them dropping anvils, whacking with fly swatters and generally just trying to outsmart each other each day at work. I CAN'T be the only one who noticed that....

I am officially nauseous  A LOT now. I got a new prescription, so hopefully that will help, but I really dread taking those stupid pills each time. That and even cut into smaller pieces, they always get stuck on the way down. Gotta talk to the doc about that on Monday. 

After I was all done today, I was so excited to see my boys  pull over to pick me up! If I hadn't been so sick to my tummy, I would have just done a little jig. The ride home was funny in a sick sort of way. The little ones kept asking the classic question " Are we THERE yet?!" , we had to break up several squabbles over ridiculously unimportant things, we had to get them to lower the volume a few decibels...and I loved it. We stopped at "the spaghetti factory " on the way home where Ben declared in no uncertain terms he was saving his meal for Carly... He is such a sweetie. She chose not to come - probably because she has been that car ONE too many times on trips with her brothers to know better than to step into THAT lions den. I think Cary was wishing he could have stayed home too...

On the way to come get me, Jonah was enjoying a blue push pop when he started INSISTING he was car sick. Cary quickly pulled over, but not before Jonah lost a little bit of his lunch in a plastic bag. - hey at least it was in a bag !- Jonah kept saying "I SO sick..." . Cary took a long time trying to get that under control, bless his heart, and knew it was safe to go when Jonah said brightly out of the blue " Look Dad, my tongue is blue!". 

I just love my boys.

This sign reminded me of  them somehow...

two down...

7

Second treatment today. I have decided that the radiation zapper thingy (that's the scientific name by the way) looks more like a car tire stuck to a spatula with a reeeeaaaly fat handle, than a ping pong paddle.  Just thought I would clarify...

I had a lovely day with the mom in law. I kinda pooped out on her though. We went to a nice little shopping area called The Grove ( no I didn't buy anything, just window shopped, I don't think they like poor people in those kinds of stores...), and went to the Cheesecake Factory. It didn't even bother me that I was in THE CHEESECAKE FACTORY and didn't eat a single bite of cheesecake! I found out they actually had a couple of things there I could eat! Hummus, sans bread,  and a peach smoothie. SUCH a nice break from ham in a jar with an oddly grinning baby on it... (I am really beginning to dislike that kid).

Then we meandered through the farmers market, then went to the church distribution center there by the temple. It was really a pretty day for that, but by the end I was really not feeling well and had to go back to the car for a break...

Hey, when you can't have chocolate, you get desperate...

Started treatment today!

First, on the home front:

I guess what we had been talking about - and talking about - and talking about.... hadn't quite registered with my boys as well as we thought. Little Jonah asked last night, "Where's Mom?". Without missing a beat, Ben nonchalantly said, "She's dead." .


It took a lot of comforting and calls as well as a "daddy talk" to get THAT one straightened out...*sigh*

Today officially marks the first day of me getting better! I started Chemo pills first ~ and made sure I took my anti nausea meds BEFORE I took the chemo~ then was zapped with radiation, then more chemo pills.

The radiation was an interesting experience let me tell you... After I checked in, I went into this little changing room and stripped  from the waist up.

( duh duh daaa dum...  ) 

I can honestly say though, it WAS NOT sexy in the least. They had hospital gowns waiting, and not the ones that show your butt either! These actually opened on the side and had lots of overlap.  Very nice for shy little violets such as myself....ah hem... (DANG IT!!!!! no flashing!!!!!)

One inside the treatment room, I was ready for anything, but nothing hurt, in fact, I couldn't feel a thing. I laid on a table with my arms over my head while a big ping pong paddle looking thing that just kept hovering around me. I felt like I was at Disneyland in one of those simulation rides, except the ride was moving, but I wasn't. The guys helping me were very nice, but man , it was a bit disconcerting when they all dove for cover and shut this HUGE foot thick door before the machine started up. I guess having future children must have been important to them...

So for now, I am done for the day. I have made all  my appointments,  finished all my phone calls, read my scriptures, made all my notes and I  am off to to take a nap. I am pooped.

here in LA

I am all checked into the beautiful E'lan Hotel in Beverly Hills, and I am feelin' kinda fancy....

I also am also missing my boys something fierce, so when Carly sent her dad a text that told me to check my face book, guess what happened about 2 1/2 seconds later...

At first I started laughing because they are SO dog-goned adorable. Then I just dissolved into bawling my eyeballs out. Its a mom thing....

I know this is weird, but I miss singing. I mean really belting out the tunes and SINGING.  I don't know if this is permanent, but I have already dropped a good fifth in my range and am very nearly heading toward a full octave nose dive... That and it kinda hurts to sing full force anymore.

Today I was straining to sing along with a wonderful old bluesy tune, just for the pure joy of it ~ and even with as rough as my voice is, my sweet Nathan said, "wow mom, you sing really pretty". I nearly started to cry.

Of course, I won't go into the other day when I was looking PARTICULARLY beat and haggard and he told me I was "ugly on the outside but pretty on the inside". I knew what he meant, but Carly laughingly made the comment , "I'm never having kids....".  I just laughed because he is SO innocent and trying SO hard to give compliments. He really is a sweet boy.

tired, but grateful for a good day.

The title about said it all. I am just so anxious to get this going again! It seemed to take forever to get the ball rolling, and now ( thanks to prayers and miracles) everything has just fallen into place.

BTW , before I forget, I wanted to help get the word out...

Don't worry,  it wasn't pureed chicken....

 ok, back to the blog...



I saw an acquaintance today that I had lost contact with. She made the comment that I looked like I had been loosing weight. (and those of you following this, please don't worry, all things are relative and I still have a LOOOOOOONNNNNG way to go before I am considered malnourished...) I jokingly old her thanks, but I don't think I would recommend my diet plan. She was so cute then, she asked if it was that lemonade diet (its the fad around here right now). I was wicked and said, " Nope, I am on the cancer diet.". I was trying to be silly, but she threw her arms around me and with tears in her eyes told me she was just recovering from breast cancer. I felt about knee high to a grass hopper then and actually shared a momentary bonding ~ with no flip answers, no pretending, no facade. Just pure understanding. Weird what can bring people together sometimes huh?...

the boys all gussied up

My beautiful boys

SO MUCH TO DO .... and so little energy...

6
Gotta get all packed up to go to LA on Tues night. I also just want to get everything in order as much as possible before I leave for the next 5 1/2 weeks. I know I will be home on weekends ( knock on wood) but I most likely will have even less energy than I do now.  And the great part is that when I am all done with that wonderful and fun experience of chemo and radiation, and I come home, it will be time for us to move. (sigh)

We still don't know where we will be moving to yet, we are still looking , but I am SURE it will be smaller than the place we live in now.  Sooo.....I need to be almost cruel about culling through all my junk. If we haven't used it in a year- its gone. Cary was thrilled to see an old ugly house dress of mine bit the dust~ but  not before Ben put it on Grecian style and started to sing "all the single ladies" to wake up his brothers this morning, all the while trying to dance on their beds.  I just loved that.

I just finished going over the schedule for once I am up in LA and Miss Carly has left for New York. I decided I must be borderline OCD ( the one that doesn't involve the clean part) . I wrote out all sorts of instructions that I really think won't matter a bit if they are strictly adhered to or not... I suppose it was just to make ME feel better.

Today I thought I would post more specific instructions for my readers... follow them to the letter, and don't get lost this time!

If you do , it's not my fault...

past posts

I got a couple of concerns that the past posts have "disappeared" Sorry about that, I just archived them. If you want to go back and read old posts ( I know I am witty, but really people you are embarrassing me.........oh...you wanted them as evidence....*sigh) just go to the side bar where it says blog archive. Right now I just have them by date. If you want the titles back, just let me know. No biggie to me either way.

...........speaking of evidence.........

just tired

4
nothing new today, just really tired. I am starting to slowly but surely get things packed. Don't expect to come into my house and see a whole bunch of boxes all taped up and ready to go~ I just did the little boys books today. Carly has been working on boxing up all the "extras" like CDs and DVDs we haven't watched in like 8 years as well as helping me with the boys. I think we are wearing that poor girl out!

before I go, I wanted to make sure you all knew what to do if you encounter a mountain lion... You NEVER know....

 OK, all of you who kinda of snickered, vs all of you that said  "ewwwwwww..... " - let see a show of hands....

many thanks...

3-8
Ok here people, I have been trying to keep a notebook of all the kind things people have done for us. I am trying my best to make sure I either call you personally or at the very least send a thank you card, but you guys are WAY ahead of me. PLEASE forgive me if I do not get all my notes written or calls made. I truly DO appreciate all you are doing for me and need for you each to feel the love and gratitude wafting your way. I could never do this without all of you!  In all humility, we~ the Clark family as a whole, as well as a sicko chick  that is going to get better, thank you with all our hearts. You are angels.

Sending you all my love because ....

got the tatts....

2-7

the tattoos aren't nearly as exciting as I hoped they  would be. Just little tiny freckles on my belly and sides. My sis suggested I let my kids come up with new "connect the dot" pictures each week. Since I only got three dots, it should be pretty easy for them to come up with some pretty clever ideas...

OK, so here is the scoop as I understand it... I will go into LA on the 9th. My radiation starts on the 10th . I will start oral chemo at that time. Then on the 15th I will start the intravenous chemo. Radiation will be 5 days a week, oral chemo ( the pills) will be taken every day for as long as I can keep swallowing them ( the hope is that the tumor will start to shrink before my esophagus starts to swell from all the radiation - so they won't have to do what is called a "portacath"  ) and the intravenous chemo will be given as often as my body can take it. 

Also, I got approved for the hospital housing! HOORAYYYYY!  I will stay in a hotel until about the 18th, then move into the hospital owned apartment. The treatments go for 5 1/2 weeks (March 10th to April 16th). Then I get to "rest" for  6 weeks, then get the surgical part done. During the "rest" part is when we are scheduled to move so that should be interesting.

The next part is for the local people, so please forgive me for being kinda boring.... I also do not in the LEAST want to sound demanding or presumptuous, so  please know this is written with the understanding that MANY of you have asked what you can do to help. In all humility, I submit the following. If you are far away, or just have too much on your plate right now, please just skip right to the bottom....

The only thing I will need for me personally is a ride from home up to Cedars each Monday morning (leaving  about 9:30 a.m.) for those 5 weeks. That would be 3/15, 3/22,  3/29, 4/5 and 4/12. Cary will come bring me home on Fridays.

The times I will need physical help, will be after March 20th when our sweet Carly has to go pack up her things to FINALLY get reunited with her wonderful husband. He has been serving his country in Iraq up 'til now, but gets to finish up in beautiful upstate New York.

The things I need help with are mostly things having to do with my kids.  The bus comes at exactly the same time as the older kids get out of school, so we might need someone to come meet the bus while Cary runs to pick up kids ( 3:20) Tuesday through Friday.  Another thing we need help with would be making sure Jonah got home from Kindergarten (2:00), helping kids with homework, doing school projects and make sure they get dinner on Tues nights.  (Cary has to leave for work by 4:30 on  Tuesdays ). Then, we will need someone to help get them ready for bed, tuck them in, and read them stories. We would need some sweet soul to spend each Tuesday night in our guestroom while Cary is at work. That is just so if the kids get scared or if there is an emergency.  Hubby comes home at 6:00 am and will take over from there.  

I will be home on the weekends (hopefully)  so I can cover the every other Saturday night and every Sunday night although I might need help with dinners...

Our next door neighbor has graciously offered to help with Mondays, and Cary has Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and every other Saturday off to cover the rest of the week. Poor Cary will just be flying solo.

Once school gets out, Cary's other beautiful children ( Haley and Aaron) have offered to trade off and cover the summer ( I feel so blessed to have them in my life by the way...)  and just in time for my surgery.

Please, if any of these time slots look like they could work, contact Cleo as she has the main schedule. 

Also please note that any getting kids off the bus or picking them up will require me to first submit your name to the schools/bus company so they can know you are not just some stranger abducting my kid.  Please, for my sanity's sake and the schools, if you are planning on helping that way, please let me know ahead of time so I can make sure your name is on those lists. thank you so much.

Ok back to including everyone... Boy I felt so cliquish! (sorry....)

boy I can ramble when I wanna !  Anyway, all the love and support and prayers are DEFINITELY being felt. I cannot thank all of you enough... so with that,I leave you with this.....

hooray!

Whole bunch of good news!

 #1 PET scan came back "as good as it can get" for a person with cancer. Everything is completely localized so much so that I was "downgraded" from a T3 M1 to a T3 N1. Doesn't sound like much I know, but dang it it is HUGE!!!!(trust me)

#2 Upper GI came back with really good results as well. Showed EXACTLY where all obstruction is. Again - all very localized.

#3 Radiologist put my name in for the hospital to consider as a candidate to use one of the two hospital owned apartments in the area! If the apartments are both not available and they find that the need is still great, they will help pay for a hotel!   Please pray I can get qualified for that as that would save a WHOLE lot of stress and worry as well as precious finances!!! I would still come home on the weekends to see my sweet family though; I couldn't do this without them.

I go in tomorrow for the "simulation". A mock up of how exactly they will line up the eternal beam of radiation. I will get to get 4 tiny little tattoos on my midriff area to mark exactly where they have to line me up each day to "zap" me. They will just be little polka dots, about the size of freckles, but I was really hoping for a snake to connect the dots - or,  oooo.... maybe a big Mauri warrior design....  Whaddya think?!