Harmon "the Killer" Killebrew was one of my heroes growing up. Before I go on you HAVE to understand something about me.

1. Every doll I ever had was either bald from all the haircuts I gave or was a melted melded gob of plastic goo from being burned at the stake as I danced and hopped around in circles while yelling war whoops at the top of my lungs...
 
2. I knew how to argue baseball stats much better than I knew how to glob on nail polish (in fact I think I was 27 or so before I got the nail polish thing halfway right and I STILL think it is stupid)... 

3. I wanted to be Tarzan when I grew up...

( I think these are also the reasons why God gave me boys BTW)

But back to my point...

Killebrew played in the American League (baseball for all those football fans out there) and sported eight 40-homeruns seasons,  nine 100-RBI seasons and played in 11 all-star games back in the late 60s and early 70s. He retired with 573 home runs - more than Reggie Jackson or Micky Mantle.  He was definately a category 5 player and as a 7 year old with goofy teeth and a perpetually dirty face, I was in love with him.

My heart hurt today when I read that he has EC.

You can beat this, just like you beat the Yankees in the bottom of the 9th in '65!

 Well, I can swallow any darn thing I want now (excluding car parts or carpet remnants, but you know what I mean...) but the trick is to make sure I eat tiny meals all through the day. If I eat too much at one setting I actually get really uncomfortable. I also have learned that I really aught to drink liquids at a different time than a meal so my stomophagus doesn't get filled to quickly.  I also have trouble with high refined sugars or high fat items as it either gives me gas or makes my tummy hurt ( I am assuming because those items are harder to digest?). I just have to get used to a different lifestyle of eating. I really am OK with that, and to tell you the truth, it is a much healthier way to live anyway. I just have to figure this out and still get my calories I need in.

As far as how i am feeling these days, we have a trip to Disneyland  coming up so I must not be doing too bad! Thanks Bub, we are so happy with our Christmas present! I will post pics as soon as I get them. :)

BTW,  just for the record, I would totally win the "my scars are better than your scars" competition thingy guys love to do. Today I am posting pics to show just my bruises from the last balloon animal party.  I guess because of the Chemo I did, my veins are a mess. I am now what the nurses like to call a "hard stick". They like to roll around and go flat and when one is finally wrangled into submission, they like to imitate tires running over a spike strip. I am told it is because they have such thin walls now.  I took pics so I could show off before they fade completely. Which BTW is a wonderful thing that it is fading... both on my arm AND from memory...

When I went in for my last dilation I forgot to ask Dr. Lo to stitch Dolores back in. Dang it.  I think I will just give up on that one. She is still free as a bird.  Well sort of. I have learned how to do some major strength tape-age. First I bandage her, she does still drool quite a bit. I use paper tape to secure it as that is easier on my skin.  Then I loop thin strips of silk tape in a "support our troops" type ribbon, first one way then the opposite. Then I secure the ends of that and voila! It stays put. And without the bullet proofing! That was getting a little expensive as I need to change the dressing at least once or twice a day. Have you seen the cost of medical adhesive tape?! I should have taken out stock in 3M!

Also I am not as nervous about her popping out because now I know how to disinfect and just push that little Miss Priss right back into place (...teach her to mess with a momma!). Funny how perceptions change huh.

Anyway in talking with Jo Marie, (remember the Nurse Practitioner?) she has started talking about plans to get rid of Dolores completely (ooooh.... sounds a bit nefarious...)!  Right now my goal is too get my calories up to 1000 per day by mouth, then I can cut my tube feedings down by half.  It is actually harder than it sounds. Right now I am up from about 400 to between 750 and 850 and it is freaking HARD! Twilight zone, alien abduction, call it what you want, it is so amazingly weird for me to be counting calories so religiously to get them UP.

I am going to shoot for the end of January to be up to 2000 per day and then goodbye pain in the a$$  Dolores! Maybe I will even have a farewell party! ..... Nah, nobody would come. It's like those office parties for a co-worker no one can stand and people show up only long enough to get the cake.

Well mayyybe if she hadn't been such a Miss Prissy Pants, there would be Balloons!

First of all to everyone, I hope you had a wonderful and blessed Christmas. I don't think I could have had a better Christmas. I played Santa once the kids fell asleep, cooked ALL Christmas dinner and even got the sea of loose gift wrap all wrangled into the trash! I am SO dang proud of myself.

Right now, I  am sitting at this computer just enjoying the sounds of a wonderful Christmas winding down. Jonah and Ben are sitting cross legged completely transfixed by a Tom and Jerry Christmas Special. And . they are NOT fighting!!! See, Christmas miracles DO happen!  

Daniel and Nathan are sitting in the huge pop up tent their Aunt Emeline sent them looking for Invisimals. Invisimals are these really cool little critters that kids get to "find" using a PSP (Play Station Portable) and a special camera thingy. (That is the technical term BTW) . The PSP was made possible thanks to  dad searching everywhere for a really good refurbished one   um I mean Santa.

I really love refurnished stuff. I mean stuff from Santa. OK OK Lets drop the act, the kids aren't listening anymore. I know some people might wonder about the reliability of refurbished stuff, but heck, if you want to get technical, pretty much everything we own is "refurbished" sooner or later. It's called having kids.

Toothbrush + lotion bottle + flush before mom or dad can dive for them = toilet refurbished (We have learned that Cary can swap out a toilet in 15 minutes flat).  Dishwasher + WAYYY to much soap and a wooden spoon crammed into the spinny thing ( boy I am FULL of technical terms today) = refurbished dishwasher. See? It's starting to become a theme... Let's do one more... Not that we have a shortage, I am just getting tired of typing... Desktop + glass of milk + 4 boys playing a really exciting online game = you guessed it ~ refurbished computer. We just figure we will get a head start with the PSP. AND it has the added bonus being WAY cheaper. Good thing Cary is good with a screwdriver and fixes electronics for a living. Just don't hand him a refurbished nail gun. You might be wondering why there is a boy or two pinned by the back of their shirts to the drywall with a 12 penny nail.

I was so excited to tell you all the great news, I forgot to tell you the other good news. Dr. Lo got my stomophagus to 18 mm! That means it is 3 mm ABOVE what we were shooting for! A normal esophagus is 15 to 25 mm and I am smack dab in the middle! Now how cool is that? AND I had my first salad!!! Greens never tasted so yummy, but I think next time I want a greek salad or one with lots of tomatoes! * happy sigh*  Am I sounding too much like an alien again? Cause if I am, I am at the point where I really don't mind.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

Art by Liz Lemon Swindle Copyright.

Thank you Thank you 

Thank you Lord. 

My 6 month post op PET scan came back clear.

 NO Cancer.

I was going to have a wonderful Christmas anyway, but this just makes it even better.  Not too shabby considering where we started !

Quite a few thing to write about today.

#1 still no PET scan results.

#2 'Nother procedure scheduled for this upcoming Tuesday. I really hope this will be the last one. Not that I don't love balloon animals, or even Dr. Lo and his staff...I'm just sayin'....

#3 Cary and I have made the conscious decision to be the least festive house on the block. We are opting for the "hope that bare Christmas tree that has sat in our living room  for two weeks gets at least ornaments thrown on it" look. It works for us.

#4 If I had a hypothetical friend who was nervous because that hypothetical person thinks I "found out" this person was hypothetically gay, I would have three things to say. Hypothetically.   A-hem...First, I lived in West Hollywood.  My gaydar is as tuned as they come.  I already knew.  Second, I understand the need for discretion in a conservative climate, but if this hypothetical friend thinks for one second I would even care I would be heartbroken. And finally, I would hope that this hypothetical person would finally learn that I pick those I love based on what is in their heart and how amazing they are, not who they choose to spend their life with. 'Nuff said.

#5 Cary and I just celebrated our 12th anniversary together.  We actually CHOSE to watch a sunset together ~ and it was actually romantic!!! How weird was that? We even went on a real date and everything. It.was.awesome. We found an a.mazing Greek restaurant near Ynez and Jefferson in Temecula called, imagine this, The Greek Place.  If you are close you gotta check it out.

#6 still no stitching Delores back in, Ben had the flu the day we went up to LA, so we could not in good conscious ask someone to watch him. Poor baby made the trip with us and waited in the car during the PET scan. I just couldn't ask him to wait several MORE hours while I was in the ER.

#7 Ben had his kindergarten program yesterday. He was WONDERFUL.  We were singing on the way home and he told me I was singing Jingle Bells all wrong. I was supposed to go "one horse SOAPS and SWAYS.". We have been singing it that way ever since. It is much more fun.

#8 Cary and I have finally figured out a cheap labor source to keep our house clean (ish).  We pay the kids wages to do different chores (Oh we are brilliant). Twenty-five cents to unload a dishwasher has never been more worth it. We always used to say we would never pay our kids to do chores because that is part of being a family. We also used to say we would never let the TV babysit our kids. Or allow them to have candy. Or bathe in the same water as the kid before. Or pass a holiday without putting up decorations so our kids would always remember it how festive it was. Or my favorite, never ALLOW our kids to get cavities. Need I go on at this point? We have learned that we should never say never. It is just dangerous. Like throwing down the gauntlet to God.

It fell! I promise!!!!!

I had my day all set up to go into LA to get Dolores stitched back in, but I got word late last night that my 6 month PET scan was scheduled for tomorrow. I will just wait until then to get jabbed.

Long story short, the local ER told me to go to my primary care physician to put in those stitches. Primary care doctor said he doesn't have the facilities to do it, go to urgent care. Urgent care says they can't help, I need to go to my surgeon. Insurance will not approve a trip to see the surgeon on such short notice, go to the ER. *sigh* I am going to the ER at Cedars cause they have done this before and won't turn me away. It just adds up though, because every time I set foot in any ER , I have the joy of paying the $100 co-pay. I should be thankful I have insurance, 'cause man I would be in a mess without it, but still, 200.00 in a week just before Christmas kinda sucks.

SO here we are at the 6 month mark. I am a bit apprehensive (understatement) as this is the first full scan since the surgery. I could drive myself crazy with all the "what ifs", but I just can't. I mean I really can't. Every time I sit down and have a minute to think, a kid yells bloody murder, or the washer starts banging it's way across the laundry room floor, or the dog starts barking ferociously at the squirrel parked outside the living room window, you know ~ life.

To tell you the truth, I am OK with that. In fact I love it. Just this morning I heard this little interaction from the other room:

"Eat my sword mighty beast! HYAH! Hyah! AH HA! I have you now! You cannot escape! Eat my sword Mighty Beast!"...

...silence for about 4 seconds....

"MOoooom, Cowboy (the dog) ate my swOord!"

I am so grateful I have that.

Cary and I saw the most beautiful southern California sunrise together this morning.  Ask me WHY we were treated to such a spectacular sight.

Why you ask? Oh how kind of you to inquire.

Well, about 3 AM this morning, ye ol' feeding tube decided to finally take umbrage at all the verbal abuse I had been heaping upon it - and exited my body, stage left.

Maybe if I named it and talked nice to it from now on it will be nicer to me.  Hhhmmmm... *furrows brow* ... what's a good name......*jepardy theme*....

OOO  OOO I know! I will give her a nice Latin name. Dolore Asinum.  Dolores for short.

But back to my story...

The fun part was that I had recently lost my wallet, so no insurance cards, no ID, no nothin'.  After calling the hubby to come home from work, I tore through every file I had looking for something to prove I was me and that I had insurance (note to self and any others who have medical issues - keep a photocopy of everything in a handy place in case of this kind of emergency. Lesson learned the hard way.).  About the time I had found everything I needed, Cary got home and we decided to try a new ER. Rancho Springs was closer than Inland Regional, although it is much smaller and only has basic services. The entrance to the ER looks like a cheap motel, but the staff are lovely. They got Dolores back in place and even did an x-ray with contrast to make sure she was in the right place. Bless their hearts, they still refused to stitch her back in though. *big sigh*. Is it really that scary to take a jab at a completely willing victim patient? Cauliflower anyone?

So on the way home a completely exhausted me and an even more depleted hubby were blessed to witness said gorgeous sunrise. When I was single (a million years ago - or twelve - who's counting)  I would have thought it was romantic or something. We were both too pooped for romance. Buuut it was beautiful.

I am TERRIBLE about writing now, just because I am out enjoying life. I feel great these days and think it is stupendous that feeling good has become the norm!  I am still doing the feeding tube thing, but I am able to eat soft foods now. No meats, yeast breads, fresh veggies or anything crunchy, but the world feels like there is a multitude of possibilities out there. I am just having a blast figuring it all out.

I do still feel a bit like I am in the twilight zone still though, because I am counting calories to keep them UP. How weird is that?! I will most likely need to work with a nutritionist to get all the way there, but that feeding tube thing and its days of tyranny are coming to an end (oooo I feel like such an anarchist!).

POWER TO THE PEOPLE!!!! um... I mean BIRDIES!!!

In all honesty, I still struggle with that lactose intolerance thing but with lact-aid, lactose free milk,  and lactose free nutrition drinks (and yes I  found some of those) I am learning how to deal. Just know if you ever go somewhere with me and I bolt for the bathroom, I am trying to spare all of us some major unpleasantness...

yeeeaaaaahh....best if I leave this one sans caption...

These days, I have been fully keeping up on my laundry and housework (holy crap I AM an alien!!!!), doing all the kids homework and therapies, taking the dog on daily walks and playing fetch with him at the local dog park, shaved and bathed him, made chocolate chip cookies to put in the freezer so I can warm them up when the kids get home from school and even made shaved ice for the kids when they were feeling bad about not having "snow days" in Southern California AND I have made dinner every night of the week (except once when I asked Cary to do it, just cause I knew he would and I was feeling lazy).

Life is good.

Jo Marie (remember she is the surgeons nurse practitioner) showed me her psychic side once again today and called me about 20 minutes before I had time set aside to call her! It really is almost freaky how she does that. Anyway, we talked about getting my 6 month PET scan set up. Can you believe it has been 6 months since the surgery?! I know, it blows my mind too!

Anyway, after the PET scan, I will go in to see Dr Soukiasian again and hopefully we will discuss a plan to get said evil feeding tube out. Ok so maybe it isn't EVIL per say, and it has kept me alive just fine. It isn't painful (except when I rip stitches, but then that is kinda my own fault),  it just slows me down  (...pooooor maligned feeding tube) . I am just so anxious to get the silly thing gone so I can take Jonah to Legoland for his birthday. If it isn't gone by February (oh. Dear. Lord. forbid that) I am gonna take him anyway.